Elder is, as Elder Does… May the circle be unbroken.

I’m the type that rarely comes out swinging just for me… If I am seeking after, or fighting on  behalf of something with great fervor of purpose, it’s because I have meticulously weighed that not only am I in need of that something desperately; but I am also convinced that other people need this something just as much as I do. I have always had a strong sense of what is needed in most situations… I have been like this since I was a child. However, I haven’t always been able to actualize what is needed most, but I’ve perpetually been able to see the entire puzzle, and what pieces were missing.

In my heart and mind, I spread all those pieces out, put them together rightly, and voila!—It comes into clear sight that we are missing this piece and/or that piece…Puzzle unable to be completed. So, this created picture with missing parts, brings forth revelation of what must be found; it initiates me to search and apprehend… Or at least try to do so with all my heart, soul, strength.

I’m a BLACK Wombman with a strong love for nuanced BLACKNESS of the people of Africa, my people… No matter where on the planet we may dwell. As I look specifically at our situation here in Amerikkka, I see that one of the most crucial missing pieces of our puzzle is our elders… They are one of the crucial missing pieces, that makes the entire puzzle picture, not easily perceived.—There are just are not enough elders to go around… To fill that space that allows us to see the entire picture clearly.

Yesterday I had a sort of epiphany, or shall I say I admitted something to myself that had been laying bare in my realizations; but only yesterday did I have the courage, or shall I say  the scope, to pick it up and accept its place in our collective truth— That is, not everyone who is 55+ is an elder. 

What??? How can I say that an older person isn’t necessarily an elder? Before you stone me, keep reading🙃…Yes, it’s true from my conclusions, not everyone who is older in age is an elder… I truly believe this. Now, older people should be respected, no doubt, but not every older person is full of wisdom and love for community; this cannot be separated from a true elder. Is there such a thing as an elder who isn’t at least 55+? I would have to say yes; that it is a possibility. I think it is rare, but it could be so… But let’s not be too hasty; fruits must show over time. 

It isn’t perfection that makes an elder…They are gonna mess up just like any other human, but an elder has the character to correct their mistakes, and in turn teach us how to correct ours… They don’t stay on the wrong path as an act of stubbornness, or to be cheeky, but rather re-align & scold us not to make the same mistakes they have… Elders love truth, and even when they mess up, we know they didn’t mean to do wrong by us, because we have access to their love in action. Some people have elder character early on, and some people never develop it. I would say though, that the vast majority of elders have age on them… Older age & elder character are supposed to go together like peas and carrots… Life experience is supposed to breed a deeper love, and a more all encompassing wisdom.

The problem is that for too long, I have been expecting “elder behavior” from people who have not made themselves capable, are incapable because of life trauma, or who may never be willing to evolve into this stage of being… I think realizing this in a more complete and honest way is liberating for me… Helping me to see people for what they are, and not being upset at them for not being what I know we need… To clarify the picture on our puzzle; those missing pieces in our puzzle. 

An elder loves their progeny in a holistic way… They will guide us, get on us, greet us, gear us toward liberating ourselves, grant us with tools to maintain our narratives, and gradually elevate us to replace them; leading our people forward.

In the wake of seeing the lack of LOVE being shown to those of us who are middle age and younger(mostly younger), as we have moved against this system, in this current wave of struggle… The current movement for BLACK LIVES… This has been hard for me… Not just because I needed them, which I do, but because those younger than me need them more. We have some great elders, but there are certainly not enough to be spread around… Elders who do not conform us to the old, but give us their support and wisdom as we embrace the new ways of doing things… Elders who tell us to keep fighting, and defend us with their breaths and heart position… Elders who use their platform, no matter how great or small; not allowing anyone to disparage or take away from what we are trying to contribute, to our collective liberation… Yes, there are some, but I guarantee that 96% of us younger ones, do not have access to at least one of our elders… This is sad, this hurts, this is a major vulnerability in our circle( Ancestors, Elders, Progeny).

I am in the blessed 4% to have 1, yes 1 amazing elder, who encourages me and gets me…This is such a revolutionary thing to have, and I haven’t always had it. Truth is, community is imperative, because many people, even if they have a loving biological family (which I don’t)— That doesn’t mean their family is supportive to their freedom work or “wokeness”… Y’all know how it is, so many BLACK People would rather we not rock the boat, or demand that if we do, it must look exactly like 1963 or else we’re trash… Just wanting us to live in the mirage with them… Be self-centered, instead of loving self in the midst of loving our people. 

We never have to replace the love we have for ourselves, so that we can have love for our people; or vice versa… We must simultaneously create balance and cooperation amongst ourselves, in order to restore us to greatness… We can’t be great without each other. Too many BLACK Folk think: “It ain’t that serious” and this is why we need community building and cultural education. This way, we can all realize that our unification IS that serious. Many of the people who may not be directly related to you or I, but who are woke enough to be liberation minded… We need to see family in them, and they in us… The building blocks of our communities have to be centered on folks who think about the collective & not just the “I’m doing me” way of life many embrace today… This is the foundation of community. Our elders, the ones I figured out aren’t just an older person, but have certain character qualities; they are to be the special part of our community, as we build and build and build.

An elder doesn’t give up on us. An elder doesn’t sell us out to the system that wishes to destroy us… An elder will use the metaphysical weight they may have gained over the years, to amplify the work we are trying to do for all of us, because they understand their place in the circle. An elder will correct us and stick around to make sure we get our shit together, cause yes, we can be a hot ass flamin’ mess… But an elder knows that we really and ultimately just need to know that they will always love us.  An elder plants seeds in the soul, that enable us to hear their whispers, long after they transition from this realm of things… An elder gets the big picture.

Yo, where my elders at? Where y’all at?🙃 I know there are some awesome ones out there, please know we need you… The collective needs you… Our circle is vulnerable if not enough of us younger ones have you. Also, I have a request, if you don’t mind… Elders, please mentor and nudge those who are your peers, who have refused to blossom into an elder as you have… Only you can reach them, if they’re going to be reached at all… Only you can tell them to see us, because they we are invisible to them, and they mock our words, ways, and pleas… Can you help get more like you wonderful ones, awaken to the calling of elder? Can you do that for us? There just aren’t enough of you to go around, and we need you… We need to be sure everyone younger than you, has seeds of liberation and revolution planted within themselves… Seeds of love, encouraging words and actions, prayers, calls to the Ancestors on our behalf…

We need to know that we can come to you about little and huge matters… That we can depend on you to speak words of solidarity when it’s not the popular thing to do, because you know it’s the right thing to do. Your presence, your words, in some circumstances; they are much much more weightier than ours… You have power we have yet to attain… Please do not diminish that power by allowing respectability politics to trump your love & support of us…

We may not realize we need all of this… We younger ones may say we can do just fine without our elders… But ever since I was a child, I have always been able to see what we need elders, and how magical & re-affirming the presence of their love can be… The more who care for us, the more in focus that piece of the puzzle will become…

And elders, do not worry… We will not just take, without giving back to you… We will breathe the very breaths, you breathed on us; right back on you… We are not just fighting for ourselves and our progeny, but for you and our Ancestors we fight as well… We are a circle, let us be unbroken… Let the vulnerabilities that threaten to separate us, be mended. If we can do this… If we can love and support one another, then we will be able to see more of our collective picture more clearly… We need you… Yes, we need you to survive.

I dedicate this blog to my best elder who has helped me more than she could ever know: 

Thank you, NBC😘

COPYRIGHT ©  ORIT 2016

At the intersection of Juneteenth, Gentrification, & Pride Weekend… Head on Collision ahead!

This past Saturday (7/18/16) I was planning to spend this day of rest, by carrying out mitzvah  in the form of supporting BLACK BUSINESSES & re-invigorating my own personal Self-Determination; whilst delightfully basking in some collective BLACKNESS, in all its nuance and beauty… It was Juneteenth Celebration Weekend, and I was so excited that I was going to be able to spend some time taking in all the sights, tastes, ambience, and sounds— Particularly the drums… African drumming, hmmm… Something my soul was yearning to take in more than anything… Perhaps my heart murmur could be shocked into steady, by hearing the master “heartbeat cadence.” I needed this time, my soul needed the refreshing. For those who don’t know, here is a brief history of what Juneteenth is from junteenth.com:

“Juneteenth is the oldest known celebration commemorating the ending of slavery in the United States.  Dating back to 1865, it was on June 19^th that the Union soldiers, led by Major General Gordon Granger, landed at Galveston, Texas with news that the war had ended and that the enslaved were now free. Note that this was two and a half years after President Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation - which had become official January 1, 1863. The Emancipation Proclamation had little impact on the Texans due to the minimal number of Union troops to enforce the new Executive Order. However, with the surrender of General Lee in April of 1865, and the arrival of General Granger’s regiment, the forces were finally strong enough to influence and overcome the resistance.”

As time has progressed, Juneteenth has turned into a 3 day festival around the 19th of June, always the weekend closest to that date, that not only marks this important history and the disparity therein; it has come to be a time of great celebration of African American Culture. It happens all over the country, not just in Texas, and it has evolved into a time of sharing with one another, teaching about the various cultures of the Continent of Africa from which we originate, and having a deliberate time of solemn joy in our own carved out sacred space… A space where we not only belong, but where we get much needed respite from the daily trauma of having to adjust, in order to survive, white supremacy.

My city, Columbus, Ohio, has in recent times been known to have the 3rd largest Juneteenth Celebration in Amerikkka. It has had it shares of ups and downs throughout the years… So many forces & red tapes trying to prevent its progress and actualization… Several years back, someone shot a gun and the entire event had to be cancelled… Yet as resilient as our stories, our history as BLACK/AFRICAN… Columbus has always been able to pull off Juneteenth every year; marking our way.

One of the forces that has been a major issue, and enemy of our Juneteenth Celebration has come from a place I did not expect… The Columbus Pride Commission. Pride, for those who may not know is a celebration for the LGBT Community… The very abridged  history of how came to evolve is as follows:

“In June of 1970, the nation's first parade commemorated the one-year anniversary of the Stonewall riots -- the nearly week-long uprising between New York City youth and police officers following a raid of Stonewall Inn. Stonewall was a popular gay bar located on Greenwich Village's Christopher Street, and the uprising helped bring the LGBT civil rights movement into the national spotlight. A year later, activists celebrated the uprising with the "Christopher Street Gay Liberation Day" march.” ~PBS

An important factor to note that isn’t in the above quote is that the righteous rebellion of Stonewall against the homophobic police was mostly led by BLACK & Non-BLACK People of Color (NBPOC), many of whom were Trans. 

In recent times, the Month of June has been designated as Pride Month… Many events to celebrate and bring awareness happen during this month. Cities that will have Pride Week Celebrations, do so usually revolving around the big parade. This is great for this community… I support it. I do not, however, support how the Columbus Pride Commission… Made up of all white mostly males, has tried to come for Juneteenth for the last several years… This is not okay… But because of so many circumstances that I will delve into as we continue on, they got their way this year…

Columbus, Ohio is known as one of Amerikkka’s most “gay friendly” cities… It probably is to the white LGBT people who have been able to partake in and be one of the main gentrifiers of the downtown Columbus area; creating a temporal atmosphere that aids in forgetting that my city is mostly made up of BLACK People… The gentrification in downtown Columbus is overwhelming and sad… You see nothing but well off white people who have moved downtown, and homeless citizens who are trying to stay warm or cool(depending on the season) until the shelter opens up at night… You see, all these businesses between the area of the convention center & 5th avenue(at High St.), cater to the desires of upper echelon white people. There are maybe 1 or 2 businesses in that area that cater to ethnic diversity, or are owned by non-gentrifiers… The new reality of Columbus.

So… What about my BLACK LGBT fam out there? How are they faring in all of this? Are they benefitting… Is this city as ‘friendly” to them as white LGBT? I say that it isn’t at all, and even though I am not “inside the community”, I can see even from where I stand, that our BLACK LGBT fam have to deal with a whole other world of systematic oppression within the LGBT Community, where they, again, are oppressed in their BLACKNESS… The sad thing is, the BLACK Community is so homophobic, we aren’t providing BLACK LGBT the space and respect to thrive, the proper safe haven from systematic racism… This must change!

I’ve been told for years by people that I know who help organize Juneteenth in Columbus, that the Columbus Pride Commission wanted the downtown park space that Juneteenth now occupied. Juneteenth moved locations for security reasons a few years back… From a park in the city, to the downtown area. The Pride Week festivities also suddenly moved to the week and weekend surrounding Juneteenth. This would make Juneteenth and Pride right in each others vicinity at the same time. Other cities who have Pride Week Festivities don’t do this…They usually go the week before or after out of a respect for Juneteenth. Juneteenth is at a specific time, and has been celebrated since the 1800’s…This is not a small or unimportant event. Here in Columbus, the Pride Commission, who have been expressed to me as very racist types, were felt/thought to do the moving of Pride Weekend out of spite… Bad blood between them and the Juneteenth organizers. I knew this for a while, but never paid much attention until I saw how all of these factors were working together this year to totally wipe Juneteenth out… Now I could see it all so clear, and it was enraging.

So let’s go back to the day I was going to engage at the Juneteenth 2016 Festival… It was to be a 3-day festival, as I stated previous, that started on Friday. So on Saturday, I knew they would have the drumming & this is what my heart was longing for most of all… I trekked out early that day to the downtown area, and was met by an absolute traffic mess… Juneteenth was supposed to begin at noon that day, and all the major streets to get to the area was blocked. It was 11:45 am when I got to the area, and I was uber confused as to how cops could have everything blocked off. I was beginning to be frustrated as hell, and as I continued to drive in circles, I saw some folks cheering and what seemed to be a parade. It didn’t click with me right away that this was Pride Parade. 

As I was going in circles, being kept from the area I was supposed to go, I saw some BLACK Folk, and asked them what was going on and how was I supposed to get to Juneteenth. They commented how crazy it was that every street was blocked the way it was, and we both lamented about how they do not consider us (BLACK People) for our events. At this point I was really pissed. So I finally parked in a neighborhood & walked to the Genoa Park area. I was still confused AF because I didn’t see anything that “spoke” of Juneteenth, nor did I see many BLACK People out and about.

I began to walk, and as I came up to the area, the same area Juneteenth was supposed to be, I saw people dancing to house music. I spotted a BLACK guy, very nice, and asked him what was going on. He let me know that what I was experiencing was Pride. It was now past noon and Pride had totally taken over the Genoa Park area. I asked him if he knew anything about Juneteenth, but he was from out of town and didn’t know. I thanked him and started to walk back to my car. 

On my way back, I saw a Black Elder…She was in a wheel chair and waiting for her dog to relieve itself. We began to converse, and when I asked her about Juneteenth, she said, “Baby, they cancelled Juneteenth!”—PAUSE—I was so shocked… She was like, “Yeah, my son happened to see a short clip they said about it on the news.”  I guess they had just cancelled the event two days prior to its commencement. I don’t watch mainstream media, so I am not surprised I didn’t know, but this elder said many didn’t know, and how wrong it was on how they did everything. Also, there was no word on the Juneteenth website about the cancellation...SMH.

So, I continued talking with this elder, and she explained that the police stated that they didn’t have any officers sign up to work security, so they( the cops) cancelled it. This particular cop speaking, disparaged & talked down so badly on Juneteenth saying that he wouldn’t want to work it ether, because who knows if they would get paid.—PAUSE—This oink(cop) then also said, from what I was told, that the police would rather focus on Pride anyway… With the tragic terrorist attack that had just occurred days earlier in Orlando, this made a lot of non-BLACK people feel this “decision” was justified; failing to see the injustice in it because it was happening to Black People.

Let me just say, that how the cops cancelled Juneteenth, and the reasoning they gave to justify it; complete and utter bullshit! A huge event like Juneteenth would have been cancelled lonnnng ago without the proper clearance from the city & the cops themselves signing off on the event.

Years ago, I use to work for the City of Columbus… When people came in to initiate clearance for festivals/events, I would map out to see if their event was possible, and then if it was, I’d grant them a permit that had to be signed by the oinks and brought back to me to be finalized. Juneteenth would not be able to even claim space without being cleared by cops, but now they are feeding the public fuckery by saying no one wanted to work this festival... Two days before? BULLSHIT!

Let me offer some more explanation… The reason I think the oinks canceled Juneteenth is two-fold. The first is the Pride Commissioners wanted the Juneteenth space, plain and simple…This has never been a secret. They also plan Pride Week around the Juneteenth weekend, and have been smug about doing it on purpose to Juneteenth organizers. Pride Commission is well funded… They have the means to pay cops extra to get what they want… Money talks! The heart wrenching events of the Orlando Terrorist Attack, would be the cops cover to show preferential treatment, and to get back at BLACK People simultaneously… But why do they want to get back at BLACK PEOPLE you ask? The answer is in the second part of the two-fold explanation…

The second reason cops was glad to cancel Juneteenth is because they wanted to get back at the BLACK Community. On 6/6/16, 2 plain clothes oinks killed #HenryGreen. He was legally armed and walking down the street minding his own business. Witnesses say his legal gun( we live in an open carry state & he had his permit) wasn’t even visible. He wouldn’t stop for plain clothes cops, who never identified themselves, so they killed him dead. The people have been recently mourning and demanding justice against the cops & department who did this… Cancelling Juneteenth was also a form of retaliation and adherence to their fear. They didn’t want to be around those who represent the one they unjustly executed.

These two reasons created a perfect storm for the cancelation of Juneteenth 2016… BLACK PEOPLE do not matter in Amerikkka…We are never considered, and white folks have no problem doing us wrong, because they do not see us as human…That’s the plain truth.

After talking to this very nice elder about how BLACK People are treated, and how crazy this whole situation was, I went to my car, and I was fuming. I was really disappointed by not only the cancelation of Juneteenth, but the arrogance and evil of the cops… Not only do they do us wrong, they revel in it.

At this point I began to drive out to another festival I heard was going on… It was an arts festival in a suburb of Columbus called Worthington. I was thinking that maybe I would spot  a BLACK Artisan of some sort… Maybe…Hopefully? As I drove past the festival sight, I looked for any sign of any person of color… I didn’t see anyone. I just didn’t want to get out of the car… I just didn’t feel like dealing… I have days like this...You know how it is when you are going to be the only BLACK Person, and everyone will stare at you, wondering how you crept into the solemnity of their suburb… Some days I just don't feel like being a freedom fighter; just being honest. So, I drove off... Not knowing if I'd head home or what, but then, I had the unction to go back to the Pride festivities… So I went back to experience… To see… To witness.

I dropped my car off at a safe location at High & 8th and  proceeded down High Street. High street, for those who don’t know, is the main thoroughfare in downtown Columbus… Everything from The Ohio State University to Nationwide Arena are on High Street. I began walking south on High… Far enough away to take in the atmosphere of the entire area. I wanted to see and observe everything. I saw everyone out and about… All the businesses all down High Street had welcoming motifs for Pride; every business draped with LGBT flags and decor. I thought to myself, wow, they didn’t even consider Juneteenth at all…They were only preparing for Pride… The bigger money maker, because lawdT knows BLACK PEOPLE hate to spend money(sarcasm).

As I continued on, I noticed that most of those walking the streets were white, a few Latinx ( not many)… I saw some BLACK LGBT, but they seemed very out of place… I was very out of place in the mostly BLACK City of Columbus, that has been gentrified so badly downtown. At his moment, BLACK Folks were almost totally erased from the landscape… That’s how sparse Black Faces were…The BLACK Folk I saw who weren’t one in a group with a bunch of white folks seemed longing… Each one smiled or said hello to me, or complemented me in some way. I could tell they felt uber alone in this space that should have been for them too… It made me feel really sad.

I felt strong anti-Blackness as I continued walking down the street… Like it was a Spiritual thing… Very strong. This anti-Blackness was also in the white faces of many of those there to experience Pride… As I passed folks sitting on outside patios or at open bars… I was given… You know, just that nasty look white folks give you when they think you don’t belong… I felt that gaze perpetually, and looked it straight in the eyes sometimes, which made them of course turn away.

As fate would have it, I happened upon some of the Columbus Pride Commissioners (They had t-shirts with their designation)… I just gazed at them, and they just looked at me and kind of whispered… It was as if they could sense my disdain for them, and I could feel their disdain for me. I looked to see if any BLACK or POC had these shirts on… I kept a look out the entire time I was on the strip. I only saw white men… Not even any white woman commissioner walking around. In my knowing that this is the very commission that has been fighting Juneteenth for space every year; my mind kept defaulting back to this… It was so unnecessary, and there didn’t need to be such enmity and disregard… Just horrible human behavior.

I get that the Orlando Terrorist Attack had just happened, and I am very sad people lost their lives like this… It’s heart-wrenching. My sadness for them laying parallel to the racists whites in the LGBT community in Columbus, and trying to understand how that works? I mean, white LGBT should be a lil’ more "woke" because they are used to discrimination, but that isn’t how it works… Especially if I am witnessing how they can not only push out Juneteenth without feeling any remorse, but how they could take priority in a space meant for all LGBT, by whitewashing over BLACK & NBPOC LGBT in the midst of this celebration. I’m sure the BLACK & NBPOC had events they put on for themselves, to celebrate themselves as an off set of the main celebration, but this shouldn’t have to always be… Especially since Stonewall was lead by BLACK & NBPOC… Our people who are part of the LGBT Community should not be de-centered in this celebration… But alas, whiteness.

I am an outsider… A BLACK Wombman who is not part of the LGBT Community. I am only speaking this because it was my experience, but am in no way centering myself in their narrative. I wish only to bring attention to how these intersections collide, and tell my people, my beautiful BLACK LGBT people, that I see you and I see that we have to do better by you… Because white supremacy is not something anyone should have to fight alone.

 I love ALL of my people, and just from observations as a BLACK Wombman, I have concerns that BLACK LGBT do not have the support they need… I really am not here for this shit… & it makes me realize that the homophobia in our own community & the racism in the LGBT community, means BLACK LGBT folks don’t really have a safe haven at all… THIS MUST CHANGE!

Black People, my people, my beautifully and culturally nuanced people, my bottomless BLACKNESS people… We have got to do better! White supremacy is everywhere…EVERYWHERE… There is a hierarchy, where NBPOC fare better than us, and will join white supremacy if given the chance in most cases…This makes alliances unsuitable most of the time… If they are not combatting anti-BLACKNESS in their own communities, how can they be our ally and we theirs? 

So our problem BLACK PEOPLE is we re-create hierarchies of oppression within our communities… I know that white supremacy made us sick like this; we have to be the ones to heal ourselves... Colorism, respectability politics, misogynoir, homophobia, religious prejudice… All of these things need to be called out, dealt with strategically, so that we can begin to heal in real, lasting ways… The womanist healer that I am realizes this MUST come to fruition, or we will be lost as a people, indefinitely…

Cause’ real talk, we all need each other… BLACK PEOPLE we need each other… We have an entire system with countless willing co-conspirators…

COPYRIGHT ©  ORIT 2016

There are no contradictions in the bottomless… How deeper spirituality gave my sensuality its freedom papers.

I don’t have to choose, because the deeper I fall into the limitless realm of SOURCE… All of it is relevant… All of it! There are no contradictions in being who I am… An African-American Woman who is equally an Ethiopian Jewish Wombman… Womanist that awakens the dawn with my Black Feminist sisters; joyously and purposely… No contradictions… None whatsoever, it all goes together rhythmically, now that I can recognize the tune… All of it! 

Torah and Ifa and New Testament… YHVH - Orishas -Yeshua… Feminine & masculine energies…  Holy and profane, because the profane is actually holy; it’s encapsulated by high levels of truth… Truth is the everyday dialect of the Divine. All of you, and all of me… Nothing at all… Sacred touch, sensual complexities… A set apart solemnity is kept… It all goes, bottomlessly… All of it!

I haven’t always been able to make peace with who I am, and how deeply bottomless G-D is… How that speck of SOURCE that is you and me… That the infinite connection is not something to fear through the enslavement of our lower nature, its dogma, its form… Rather it is for us to ascend & transcend… Higher & steady…Readying us to continue onward & upward…Life never ends, not really…

No, I was not always aware until I began a very deep spiritual journey 13 years ago… 13 years ago, I decided to start listening, at a time most people my age had just become old enough to opt out of listening to authority… I was opting in to listening to SPIRIT, the utmost authority! Forgoing my desires, my will, everything I thought I knew, in order to be re-trained & reborn as I stand today… Imperfect, but assured. Assured that I don’t know anything really, and freedom to receive higher heights that descend into deeper truths, was and still is, dependent on a humble heart positioning and soul steady. Soul knows, it always does. We forget, so that we may relearn and choose, is what I have come to realize and know… The filtering, gotta be open to the filtering.

I was filtering what was true and what was false… Still in this process…Still delving in. What could stay, and what had to go completely? Leave me wholly & holy,  in order for me to get re-acquainted, travel deeper so I can get to know that speck of me that is infinite…G-D in me, way too vast to be solely contained to pages… To learn this, to accept this… To go on an untracked journey, with no road map other than… The listening. I have become strong, I have been proved… I am everything and nothing at all.

I spent months in solitude in order to find the clearest frequency, and act accordingly as I traversed to and fro…I’ve suffered… I’ve been misunderstood… I’ve gone the harder way, because it was my prescribed course. In going the tougher way, I gained more understanding, more insight, even clearer channels, and more pronounced spiritual connections…I’ve become an authentic humble. Humble enough to become more and more free. To travel near and far… To obey my soul whispers & stirrings. To gain freedom, more and more freedom… Freedom in this sense, is attained through learning… I am learning still, I still haven’t even scratched the surface…

But what I know, this I know is true… The more I open myself up to all that I once thought was contradictory… The more I unlearn the supposedly sinful, bad, and evil connotations erroneously placed around different aspects of life that the CREATOR meant for us to embrace without shame or price… Delving into a spirituality more holistic and centered, rejecting dogma and its forms… Sensuality, my sensuality, ushering me into a more holy existence… There are no contradictions, none at all!

I’m sure some who are reading this right now are intrigued by the fact that I equate my sensuality, and being free in its authenticity, as wholly holy. Some of you reading right now are ready to stone me to near death…Not wanting to kill me completely, as I could be reused over and over again, as an excuse for you not to explore your inward questionings. Some of you are tired of me dragging out this article, because you are eagerly waiting to see if my personal conclusions and truths, match the thoughts and reasonings you’ve been keeping to yourself, in your inward deliberations… All of this is good, all of it. I find no contradictions, none at all!

To further explain, let me get into sensuality in the nuance of my experience and soul set. Sensuality as it relates to my sexuality is vast, intricate, multifaceted, healing, expedient, wild, imperative, discerning, LOVING. Sensuality better explains not only the five physical senses we utilize, but also the various spiritual senses in the function, and in conjunction, with our sexuality. 

So the physical and spiritual senses in right connection is sensuality… I’m a very sensual person, and I believe the CREATOR would not have it any other way… I do not believe sexual intercourse has to occur for sensual intercourse to transpire, but it most certainly does lead there…All of this is holy, all of it… Why? Because sensuality is a high form of Divine communication and healing, amongst other purposes… It serves purposes we are only beginning to understand and tap into… Sensuality is sacred, it is not vile, it is not something of which to be ashamed.

I have a confession, I am almost at the 6 year mark of not having  sexual intercourse, 5 years from sensual intercourse with another. I was in a four year relationship 2 years ago… You may laugh cause you didn’t do your math…But… Yes, I was with someone whose religious precepts didn’t allow them to stray and fornicate with me(bummer). Now, let me explain… Fornication isn’t  a Hebraic concept , it’s a Greek concept… A mostly Christian concept. At the time, I thought this person had great self control, and I saw this as a great character trait… Funny thing is, they had one the worst character dispositions of any person I have met thus far… The filtering… Always be open to re-learning, and taking off erroneous mindsets, and most of all… Not assuming.

 But there was this one time… This time me and this awful individual I loved selflessly, had sensual intercourse that was borderline sexual. It was such a spiritually charged happening…We were connecting so deeply, and the truth and surety of this experience, along with the fact that I wasn’t part of their religious persuasion, caused immense fear in this person… After this occurrence, they were afraid to be in the same room as me… Couldn’t control their body just being in my presence. It wasn’t just physically overwhelming, but emotionally, spiritual and mentally… A connection out of our hands, a set up by the Universe had occurred, and this individual started to act really erratically, instead of embracing the experience and me wholly, holy.

 I was calm about the experience, because I was not only at peace with it, but I also was not condemned by it. I understood and was open to the bottomless enough at this point, the person I was intertwined with wasn’t. Take note of this distinction, and the power of sensuality. Sensuality is an agent of change… A force, a determiner, and an omen… If you resist the fruits of its labor…It’s holistic and myriad of purposes, it will leave you unbalanced instead of enlightened.

So how have I survived not having that intimacy for years now… I am fine because I understand and embrace that sensuality can be embraced all by oneself. Many people have been taught, or automatically default to believing masterbation and touching oneself was nasty, and sinful…Associating it with uncontrolled lust… A sin. No one ever told me this growing up, but I too thought that it was some shameful thing to touch yourself. I had to learn over the last several years that being connected to your sensuality, and indulging in the healing properties of self touch, is imperative whether your are single or involved with someone. I believe sensual alone time connects us to Divine pockets of Love, that is only reserved for ourselves. There are ways in which to connect with our inner essence, that can be brought about by connected spirituality and orgasmic release, working in correlation with one another. I have personally found that if I go too long without connecting to myself in this way, I am totally out of balance.

Now let’s talk about balance and energies, and my pickiness. It’s true, though I would love to wildly fuck anyone, it’s just not my nature. I think my makeup and healer capacity understand that  I cannot just exchange energy with anyone. Sensuality isn’t something to be rushed…It’s purposeful in nuance. In a relationship, or just in an exchange of ones own sexual choices and freedom, we don’t always want or need deep connectivity… Sometimes it just isn’t about that… Sometimes we just need, what we need… There is a time for everything, and Lawd knows I get that!

Have you ever been sexual with someone, and felt like garbage after? There could be a lot of reasons for this, one of them most definitely is that they were not spiritually compatible with you…Depleting your energy… Instead of mutual energizing, healing… You become victim to vampiring. I have found that sexual experiences are emotionally beneficial, if sensual intercourse has been established at some point in the relationship prior… Exploring all the nuances of coming together in this way can be dope. 

I want you, the reader to realize that my experiences, my conclusions, are a starting point for you, but not your story… You do not have to conform, or you can agree with any part of what I said, but always ask yourself… “What is my narrative?” A clear intention is being put out through the cadence of my heart beat, wanting you to seek out and question… Losing the fear that questioning is some act of treason… You are allowed to get your personal understanding… Dig deeper, study, pray and find Light. Shine that light on dark places, so you can see the reality…Your reality.

I didn’t come to my conclusions overnight, I am where I am after 13 years of being open and shut and open again, wide and fully… Still growing, still learning, but assured. Assured, I am at least traveling the right path. Freedom is learning… Being open to the bottomless… Life long journey.

Sensuality is just holistic sexuality, in my opinion… How I define it. I find no contradictions with this or my closeness to G-D. I feel sensuality communicates to a part of ourselves we have yet to reach, and offers healing in ways no other energy transference or recirculation can. I am a Wombman of G-D, I am sensual, I am not ashamed… There are no contradictions in the bottomless, this I know…So far at least.

COPYRIGHT ©  ORIT 2016

Unapologetically Womanish!

Unapologetically Womanish!

(Note: I allowed Blavity to publish this article, but they chopped and screwed it; losing the potency of my words and my writing voice. I am re-publishing my article here, with it's original title so that y'all can read my original intent.)

If I wasn’t 100% at home with the label Womanist, I simply wouldn’t apply it to my BLACKNESS! Labels… Ugh! I only use them to define what already exists within me, not to gain faux accolades or activate unneeded power plays for prestige… To perhaps find my kin folk, similar thinkers… My tribe. Further freedom for others and myself? Maybe. In any case, I am not a slave to any label, and if you observe me decidedly using one, it is solely for explaining my personal narrative… Nothing more, nothing less. Labels are not always a must to explain authenticity as it relates to self, but they are helpful in explaining things for people to understand… Important communication tools in building bridges, if you want others to make that trek, that is.

You see, I was missing something for so long from mainstream feminism, and I really wanted to ignore that emptiness… But it was gnawing at me. Mainstream feminism as it stands today, is steeped in white women fables and tall tales of inclusion of all women, whilst categorically ignoring every issue, that white privilege is privileged to allude. Revisionist history, that again, as with many things in this life, puts them( white women) as the originators and great fighters of all of us “incapable colored ones.” White Feminism is anti-patriarchal, yet dead set on replicating the same type of hierarchy in all women spaces, that both oppresses and silences Black Women and other Women of Color.

Black Women who were, and still are, the personification of strength and resiliency; standing up for Women's Rights and Black People as a whole… Doing so in the pursuit for more equality and more freedom… Yes, it is Black Women who have also set the example for many white suffragettes and modern day feminists of today… Long before these white suffragette movements thought about forming, and pushing a way for their rights to manifest. Black Women were, by instinct and forced obligation, showcasing to white women, the possibility of pushing through anything, and creating greatness out of nothing. 

Many white women learned strength from watching Black Women be everything to everyone, in the midst of harsh systematic racist oppression. An oppression that gave privilege to their  whiteness, positioning them as benefactors and dependents; thereby protectors of the continuance of white supremacy at large. 

White suffragettes desire for voting rights, and equal treatment to white men, were grossly using their status as white, to debase and ignore Black Women desiring to stand in solidarity with them… Black Women who were working towards not only suffrage, but also working toward freedom from racism and sexism. Yes, Black Suffragettes were treated with vicious racism and cast aside by middle class white suffragettes; many of whom were ironically self-proclaimed abolitionists. 

See, a good number of white people were against slavery, but they didn't want Black People to be equal with them, and the thought that Black Men might get the vote before white women; this caused their real feelings about Black People to lay bare… That’s the real tea! This same bigoted spirit is abounding amongst too many of their descendants, white feminists… Always spinning these blatant lies that say, “we’re all in this together.”

“The white men, reinforced by the educated white women, could ‘snow under’ the Negro vote in every State, and the white race would maintain its supremacy without corrupting or intimidating the Negroes. ~ Laura Clay (Founder of Kentucky’s 1st Suffragette Movement)

When white feminists call out the names of their racist suffragette ancestors with glee… Names  like Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony and Laura Clay… Demanding that I, and my beautiful Black Sisters pour out their bottles of white tears as libation with them… I become enraged, and I do not want any parts of the charade. White women of the past and present, too many in fact, are continually and unapologetically denying the truth of Black Women and other Women of Color, and the reality of our issues that have many intersections. Oppressive systematic racism creates hierarchy; not all women are equally oppressed, and white women have the most privilege of all! For white feminists, men are the big nemesis… For a Black Woman like me, white men and women are equally oppressive… Then add in my gender, my non mainstream spirituality, my not so clear cut fluid or stationary sexual nature… It’s a lot!

There is a pressure in feminist circles to make Black Women water down, and sometimes completely drown out our BLACKNESS, in order to be a part of their mirage… To prove we believe that women's rights are important, and our denial of our truths, and the overuse of our ingenuity, acceptable sacrifice for the good of ALL women. We’re all equally oppressed, right? Wrong!

I use to think to myself, I could just call myself a Black Feminist to carve out intentional and thoughtful space, in these heavily european centered mainstream feminist movings. A self-determination that many amazing Black Women have made, whilst affecting so much change and legacy, though mostly recognized to capacity among our own people. It seems white feminists have a way of dwindling the greatness of those undeniable giants, to fit their feats in a light that downcasts their BLACKNESS… To translate the truths and power of great Black Women Feminists into the language of a lesser god… Whiteness.

Black Feminist theory is a part of me… My Womanism overlaps with it in so many ways, though I see distinctions. I love and respect Black Feminism, but that title doesn’t seem to be a sure fit for me… Something still missing. Yet and still, I need accuracy… If I have to explain myself in terminology, I want it to be as close to my inward reality as possible! 

It was/is the unapologetic disregard of white women in feminists spaces, that first alerted my soul, that my LOVE couldn’t be steady within its illusionary walls. Spaces steeped in erasure of people like me… A Black Woman who has systematic racist oppression to be concerned about, every moment of every day. For me and my entire community: Women, Men, Teens, Children… Feminine, Masculine, Non-Identifying, Combination Energies… Straight, Fluid, LGBTQIA, No Label … Old, Young, Middle Aged, Ageless… All of us dipped in this beautiful BLACKNESS, our intersections, and our cadences.

I become alive in the words of Alice Walker who coined the term Womanism and defined it extensively… Being Womanish. In short, Alice Walker beautifully describes a woman centered sphere of choice and rights, where Black Women reject patriarchy and center our issues within the framework of the entire Black Community. It’s a state of woman centered living that is not steeped in european framework, because we have our own… Our narrative, our needs, our desires have safe haven and sacred tabernacle in Womanism.

Womanism has a warmth and healing feel to it, because it promotes healing of the entire African Diaspora and Continent. Women’s issues, dismantling patriarchy, having women and our unparalleled power at the center of the entire community; whilst balancing, and in many cases initiating, our rightful place as equal with men… All of this is central in Womanism. More than just an internal heart position, but a community heartbeat that puts us all in position, through the proper centering of SHE/HER. 

When I first became aware of  Alice Walkers definition of Womanism, I exhaled… I loved it deeply! Womanism was and still is, more like ME… A label that properly defines my intrinsic nature; beautifully complimenting my understanding of having ORIGINAL running through my veins… Connecting me to SOURCE, and our shared truths as nuanced African People(s)… Our triumphs, and our woes. 

As a freedom fighter, Creative, and Healer…  A person who sees myself not only as interconnected with other Black Women and our issues, but with our entire community as well. Womanist is me, I am a womanist! Womanism is a way of life, an inclination from Spirit, that understands that no one will take care of us and chart our way properly, but us. It requires me to respond, and dedicate myself to making sure, more of that process happens in my lifetime… That’s Womanish! That’s exactly what it is!

There have been several great Black Women who have added critical theory to what Womanism is, like the great Lenora Hudson-Weems (USA) or Chikwenye Okonjo Ogunyemi (Nigeria)… Both adding imperative dimensions and levels of understanding, colors and dimensions. I am so grateful for these elder-warrioresses, I honor their breaths. However, I do not agree with all they have concluded on every aspect of their similar, yet distinct interpretations of Womanism. 

For example, Dr. Weems seems to feel that we, as womanist’s, must put our BLACKNESS before our Womanhood. I disagree on this point, because my people need me to be a whole Black Woman… My womanhood will heal my people, and working to dismantle patriarchy in me and my community; furthers us all together… My BLACKNESS cannot be separated from my feminine, because both are part of my divinity; therefore it is out of place to even suggest I honor one above the other….They are one with me.

What I love about Dr. Weems and Chikwenye Ogunyemi’s womanism theories, is the emphasis they put on the interconnected global African aspect, and the cooperative economics and responsibility needed amongst us. I often say that white supremacy is interconnected globally, therefore our unification as African Peoples, could better dismantle this oppressive system in lasting ways. Womanism, or Africana Womanism in their specific case, really emphasizes casting off selfishness through seeing yourself as each other. To me Womanism is the bolder shade of Black Feminism… As Alice Walker said: “ Womanism is to Feminism, as Purple is to lavender.”

So, how does Womanism, which seems more exclusive than Black Feminism, help the pulse of the world? Don’t we want all people to have freedom and be equal? Well, this is my perspective… Black People are the original drum cadence, and oppression has thrown our rhythm off. Everyone in the world relies on hearing our cadence, to sync theirs to ours, because their cadence has our basic structure. The whole world mimics what we do, even though it isn’t always at the right intervals, speed, timbre. The more we can break free of the oppression placed upon us and that now is embedded in our DNA, the more the entire vibration of the planet will synch and become more steady… A steady and harmonious om. Have you ever heard the phrase “Take care of home first?” Well that is the heartbeat of the Womanist… A Womanist wants harmony and healing for her people, and realizes that aiding in that happening, means good things for the entire planet. 

Patriarchy, sexism, and every other oppressive behavior that Black Women face from Black Men, must be dismantled in order for us to thrive together. Womanism, in my minds eye, takes the stance of re-building our culture holistically, which includes the dismantling of patriarchy and fuck-boyisms. It is not something we can wait to correct when “racism ends.” No, we must correct it now, and every time it shows up… Until we can get closer to our original and untampered cadence. We must do all of this labor of love in the mindset of community, and how the individual is connected to the community; making sure SHE/HER becoming whole is centered and honored as top priority. I want to be the best woman I can be as I glow in this BLACKNESS… Free, open, holy, profane, giving, strong, vulnerable… Not just for me, but for my people as well.

I understand that those who choose to label as Black Feminist; this is very important to them… Just as Womanist is my accurate descriptor; thereby very important to me. I appreciate those who identify as Black Feminist, because they are purposely setting up the stones of remembrance in mainstream feminist spaces. Black Women have always, and still are contributing greatly, to all the things that they think they made up on their own. 

White women learned strength from watching Black Women carry on, take care of them, work on their plantations, nurse their children… Black Women are their Womanist & Feminist Shero’s, whether they want to admit it or not. So sis, you who identify as a Black Feminist, I support and love you! If you are propelling our people forward and toward freedom, then that is all that matters! We all have to work according to what has been placed in us, and we all have a job/calling to do on this side of life. Words… Labels… Ugh! What matters most is truth, heart, intention, and how we act on all three. Define yourself as you will, but as for me…

I am Womanist.

COPYRIGHT ©  ORIT 2016