Unbalanced Ego, Envy & Jealousy ***OR*** BLACK Liberation… Which will you choose?

We’re all human… Well, a lot of us are human… I’m not quite sure about everybody… I mean, it would explain a lot. Ha Ha Ha 🤔Anywhoo… We all fail, we all make mistakes… We all have character flaws that we have to work on fixing daily… Again, I say we all have character flaws that we have to work on fixing daily. Here’s the thing, we can and should be making a daily effort to become a better version of our intrinsic nature… It truly is about fine tuning the greatness that is already within us… This is a daily journey for me, and as I have said in the previous blog: “Better individuals, make better communities!”

Assata Shakur

I’ve been noticing that there is this really disturbing trend going around… This way of looking at life, that takes the pressure off of us in the wrong ways, and in the wrong areas… People are confusing loving who they are as a person, with not needing to work on their trouble areas… The areas that take away the authenticity & effectiveness of our CREATOR-given qualities. I have heard in person, and I have seen tweets online that exemplify; more and more people are giving into this notion, that they do not need to improve in any way. 

I want to stress, I am not talking about the beautiful things about you or I… Those characteristics that are a part of our assignment on this side of things, our personality… Those breaths of G-D that need to be upon us… Those distinctions that make us who we are, beautifully crafted for the times in which we live… These attributes that many may see as negative, because they do not want the truths that resound from us, as we utilize and accept all of who we are…These are traits we should continue to grow and develop. 

When I speak of improvement, I am more specifically talking about the behaviors that we learn and develop for whatever reasons, that take away from those innate characteristics we were born with; side behaviors that turn our innate qualities into weapons against ourselves, other people, and our communities. Behaviors that foster unbalanced ego, envy, jealousy and other lower vibe frequencies… We are all susceptible to these behaviors, so we must all work hard to gain the upper-hand over them… This is the only way we can build anything sustainable.

To clarify a bit… Let’s bring up a few examples of how we can turn beautiful intrinsic characteristic(s), into a weapon against ourselves and others. For instance, I am a very kind person, but I speak truthfully… I say things many are afraid to say. I am bold… Many would say, too much so, but I know it is a gift that has allowed me to be able to stand up for justice, and get through hard times in my life. If I use my outspoken and bold nature, and make fun of people… If I use my innate traits to tear people down, just because I am jealous and/or envious of what they can do, or have done… I am now muddying who I am with this sort of mean-spirited behavior. If I use who I am in this diminishing way, I would have to acknowledge, examine & work hard to end this sort of behavior… Determining why my mind & heart set is allowing me to be like this. Our good characteristics are of no good, when we use them to tear others self-esteem down. (Not to be confused with calling out unjust and harmful behavior, which is needed.)

When I was a young girl, I had plenty of friends, but I also had some people who hated me for no reason. Back then, I wasn’t as bold and outspoken as I am now. I would let people push me around for the longest, until I started to grow those specks that have always been within me… My more assured nature, hiding behind the surface of young age. I remember, I was about 7 years old, and I could outrun everybody. I had one of the fastest times in every sprinting event for my age at the time… The adults in my great aunts neighborhood would block off the street every now and again, to let us kids race. I would beat everyone, my age and older… Boy or girl, it didn’t matter. I wasn’t at all a ‘tom-boy” or anything like that… I enjoyed doing all sorts of things from playing barbies, to playing in the creek… I liked to dress up really feminine, do my nails, and play in the mud… I could fix things, and I was always coming up with some new game.

One day after this one street race, this boy who everyone said could beat me running; he lost to me. He was so angry, he came up behind me as I was talking to my friends, and punched me as hard as he could in my back. It hurt so bad… I started to run as some sort of shock reaction, with the wind knocked out of me… I fell to the ground, and finally let out a loud sob. It physically hurt really bad enough, but my feelings were hurt even more. Everyone in the neighborhood was angry he did this to me, but it wasn’t a big deal to them… Many were laughing about it within minutes… Including my great aunt…Everyone chalked the experience up to “puppy love.” You know, that dangerous thing we tell girls: “If a boy hits you, that means he likes you.” *shutter*

I was young… I tried to replay in my mind what I had done to deserve getting hit so hard by this older boy, my feelings were really hurt. I wasn’t the sort of child that was mean, or mocked people… I was even very shy about winning, though it did make me happy at that moment… After the incident, I didn’t want to race anyone in the neighborhood for a really long time.

So why did I tell this story? Well, this sort of behavior doesn’t change as we get older, unless it is dealt with intentionally… Unless a conscious effort to change and refocus energy is made… It just shifts into the more adult form of the same malady.

And guess what? I still have plenty of people “hitting me in the back” or at least trying to do so, in 2016… Have fun trying, I’m a lioness now… I’m also very protected! I’ll be 33 in October, and people never cease to amaze me in this area… Libra’s are very kind, but don’t mess with us… We don’t play! It’s not just me experiencing this though, I also witness plenty of other people being “hit in the back”, folks I try to uplift and support when I see that it is in progression… It’s sad because, grown people should not be acting this way. Especially grown BLACK People, as we’re fighting for our blood and breaths. I want to address and plant seeds in hearts, concerning this issue of unbalanced ego, envy & jealousy… It is truly holding us back from building; ultimately preventing BLACK Liberation from actualizing in more real ways.

It’s amazingly sickening to me… The very BLACK People who care the very least about our people, with a track record to prove it; all they have to do is have charisma or a talent people love… Then so many in our community will overlook every bad thing they do. Many of these same ones did many shady things, “hit many people in the back” in order to get where they are, or prevent others from becoming more seen than them… Our community sees it, some will admit that what these “hitters” do is bad… But then they’ll go back to business as usual, being too afraid to challenge them, or just not caring enough to be concerned… The person who has been “hit” is always left to recover on their own.

So, why is this our collective truth? Well, there is a lot of unbalanced ego, envy & jealousy in our community(s) from different people, and for different reasons. (Note: These issues are in every ethnic community, a tale as old as time… But I am addressing this from the BLACK perspective, and why we need to get this off of us so we can be more unified.) So though they may see the person who was “hit in the back”, and know it was wrong… You’d be surprised to find out how many people are secretly happy, because they have their own issues of unbalanced ego, envy & jealousy toward that person who was “hit”… So instead of offering support, or defending the person done wrong, they rally behind the one who is more popular, or with whom they can see getting something from in the future (if they are not already benefitting from arranged loyalty)… The hitter instead of the one hit is supported… It is a very vicious circle.

Sometimes people won’t like you or I, because we are confident… I have been told many times that people do not like that I am attractive, and that I am intelligent… They don’t like that I have the talents I have, and that I don’t apologize for them; nor do I rub them in anyone’s face. Sure, I have my own insecurities (lawd knows), but I don’t let that stop me from doing what I do… This makes some of us a target to those given to unbalanced ego, envy & jealousy… We may not have the power or visibility that they have, but when folks who are hyper-visible see folks like us,  when they’ve have given themselves to the three monsters; they’ll do what they can to impede our becoming more visible, and acknowledged for what we can do… Starting rumors, forbidding people they work with to not work with us, telling their friends and associates not to befriend us, ECT… Just really mean playground type antics… But keep shining and being Light anyway… It can be very discouraging, but no one can ultimately stop what the UNIVERSE has for you and for me… Still, even in knowing this, this behavior does much damage to individuals and our community(s). So sorry to all my young sista’s & brotha’s out there, most people do not mature with age like we thought… But we need to work to change this, and the first step is acknowledging we have a collective problem!!!

This sort of hateration mentality never allows us to unify as BLACK People… A continual re-run, playing on a broke down black & white analog TV set… We have to do better as individuals, and as a community. We need to create environments that do not allow this sort of behavior to grow, fester, and spoil all who encounter it.

We are currently in the fight of our lives as BLACK People in Amerikkka, and so many are so concerned about the most trite shit… Folks so worried about who will out-shine them as our blood flows in the roads, in cars, on playgrounds, and in our beds because of State sanctioned cop terrorism… We need to be making plans to protect, cherish, and build up our people, but instead… So many are battling the inward issues, the petty issues, that prevents solid foundation laying.

None of us are flawless, and I understand that we all have different things we struggle with every day… Let me tell you this y’all, this unbalanced ego, envy & jealousy thing; it’s gonna keep us behind… Keeping us behind means we are further away from stopping the carnage that systematic oppression and lack of cultural education, is reeking on our people. It makes no sense that so many of our people will rally around rapists, child molesters, politicians& Presidents who don’t care about BLACK Lives, opportunists, feds pretending to be activists, and so many others… Just because they are perceived as having swag or talent… It’s amazing how so much “love” and concern and defense can be shown to them, but not to the ones you don’t like, or think are important, simply because you think they look better than you, more accomplished than you, more confident than you or more talented than you… A target to you, because they don’t have more power than you… If they did, you’d kiss their ass, whether they were in the wrong or right… That is deep, very deep indeed.

It is time to kill these soul afflictions… Each and every BLACK Person has so much to give to our community… Each one of us is irreplaceable, worthy of respect,worthy of dignity, worthy of support, and worthy of love from our people. Unbalanced ego, envy & jealousy are always lurking around our beautiful intrinsic selves… Trying to corrupt and warp our beauty into grotesqueness… WE DO NOT HAVE TO GIVE IN! 

I hope that as I am about to enter this erev rest, that these words will reach all of us to do some introspection… We can’t fight against an oppressor & then oppress our own people at the same time. We have to decide that the parts of us that need improvement, should become a focus in our lives… It may not happen overnight, but intention & acknowledgment is the beginning… If we become better individuals, we will have better communities… Then, and only then will we really be able to actualize more BLACK Liberation… Freeing ourselves, by-proxy the world.

COPYRIGHT ©  ORIT 2016

www.oritvibes.com

The greedy using the needy? To boycott or not to boycott, that is the argument!

As we are in an upswing of righteous rage, because of our continued systematic mistreatment as BLACK People in Amerikkka… We are all, both the wide awake and the just waking up, searching for ways to sanction this system… Bring about change for the sake of our actual blood and breaths. Some of our people are reformists, some are IDGAF-ists, & some are trying to actually push BLACK Liberation into reality. Everyone has different ideals, different heart sets, different LOVE levels… This makes unity seem like a far away island, in the middle of the ocean; no boat, no way to reach its shores. However, one issue that remains the most heated, as we look for “right now” tactics; pushing the system to feel that we are HERE, and won’t take its bullshit any longer… Boycotting… Do we, should we, can we?

Let it be known, I am for boycotting as a tactic to be used with other tactics. I am more specifically & exclusively for well thought out boycotting; making sure every angle is covered, or else it isn't going to work. So many times a boycott is presented, and the most marginalized people in a community are not considered… Not everyone has the same access, and that MUST be centralized in boycott construction.

Boycotting is a team sport. There is no way it is effective without almost every one of our community members participating… For the ultimate psychological & financial impact of the target… For the right type of laser beam pressure needed. When I think of the food desserts, environmental disparity, and shopping hinderances that a good number of BLACK People face… I get how certain boycotts are a huge sacrifice. People have to eat and take care of themselves, in order to be able to fight another day. 

However, we do not have to say boycotts are “wack" like so many believe… We have to be better about strategizing how to effectively boycott in 2016… If we are to do it at all… If we can successfully do it at all. We have other factors going on today that weren’t a thought in the 60’s. We can’t just repeat the past on auto-pilot… We have to take what worked from way  back when, and then tailor it to fit our today.

When I think of the Montgomery Bus Boycott & its success, most every person participating was economically disadvantaged. Our people suffering from the extreme economic disparity that jim crow and white supremacy as a whole, reeks upon individuals, families, and the whole BLACK Community… Years upon years of being set back in every effort, every way… Never being given the same access to resources, and yet BLACK Folk have been blessed to be able to achieve something out of nothing in many ways… Have moments of joy in the midst of extreme pain, and dehumanizing existence. Our survival in and of itself is a miracle! The fact that African-American Culture is mimicked & appropriated all over the world, a testament to our collective intelligence, ingenuity, determination… Our magic. Yet and still, not all of us are given those specks of light; allowing vision in such utter darkness… We do not all have access to the same moments, people, resources, chance encounters… Some go through so much more than others in this life… Not everyone is endowed with the same levels of inward strength to overcome obstacles; especially if never being shown love, or knowing what it is like to be believed in… Things many of us who have even the smallest amount of these things; take for granted… Assuming everyone has it like we do, and that simply isn’t reality. This is why community building is important, there should always be various avenues for our people to receive what they need as a human, as a person hated because of the beautiful BLACKNESS they don … All of us connected; therefore all of use need to be made as whole as possible for us to get further along.

BLACK Folk who received education, but were not able to work in their proposed fields because of jim crow… This was not only disheartening, it was handicapping for the entire BLACK Community...So much to consider as we try to glean from the past. Despite financial and economic disparity, BLACK Communities of Amerikkka were much more soul rich back then, by way of unity and cultural pride, than we are today. This is why it was easier for folks to work together, and do for one another during the Montgomery Bus Boycott. Being intertwined because of segregation, this brought the unique blessing of knowing how to help one another, and not think twice about it. In 2016, this heart set isn’t second nature to the BLACK Community in Amerikkka. We’ve been given enough semblance of freedom, to deceive our full perceptions. Some things are better than they were, yet they still find ways of keeping us enslaved… Same song, different tune… This blindness, whether purposeful or blissful ignorance; BLACK Folk just don’t feel a collective sense of urgency as need be… It’s the mirage that keeps on deceiving.

Today, faux comfort, left by the pseudo-equality scraps that white supremacy has allowed to be flung at our people; it’s made many BLACK People complacent & uncaring about the whole…The community… Caring whether we are prospering in a holistic way or not… Many don’t care as long as they can count “their paper”; this reality makes an effective boycott very difficult.

Because of this lack of unity, if we are going to boycott in 2016, it needs extra planning… Especially, when it comes to making sure that anyone participating, will be able to supplement themselves properly… Making sure that anyone with the desire to participate, will be able to do so…This is not to say that boycotting is supposed to not be a sacrifice. It is TOTALLY a sacrifice… Still, that sacrifice needs to ensure that while some are just inconvenienced, others aren’t actually starving. We want our people to be well, to be whole… This means if we do boycott, we have to be creative, thoughtful, tactical.

Boycotting is not impossible, but the conditions & difficulties it intersects; it makes many want to forgo it all together… I get it won’t be easy, but I also say that it is worth doing in a strategic way… Worth the energy to utilize this tactic. It is still a great tactic… It just takes holistic planning. 

We have a contingent of our People stating that boycotts shouldn’t be considered, because of the most marginalized. I have already laid out that we must make sure that everyone has what they need… No doubt! So…What about the places that do not aid in our daily sustenance? When we bring up simple boycotts like… Don’t buy Jordans, because he is a BLACK Man who doesn’t give AF about our people, and we are steadily ( as a people) buying up his shit… Those same naysayers get really quiet… Many are not willing to stop buying their favorite shoes. When we discover Chick-fil-A  is racist AF, and ask one another to stop eating there…Those same naysayers are silent. Many are not wiling to give up waffle fries and below average chicken. They will disparage boycotts, whilst avoiding doing the most simple ones… Because of greed & lack of self control.

When we ask our people not to shop on Black Friday, so we can affect commerce… Naysayers, the same ones who won’t participate in boycotts that could affect change without affecting their well being… These same ones get in an uproar, and again, begin using the most marginalized as a scapegoat… As a reason why we shouldn’t be so imposing… So imposing to dare tell anyone not to shop on Black Friday. Using the most marginalized in this way, just because you are not ready to give up some of your non-essentials; this is counterproductive, selfish & counter-revolutionary… Exploitive, disingenuous, and obtuse AF. 

The “ I hate boycott crowd” say that it isn’t fair to ask the most marginalized to not shop on Black Friday because of the sales; that those with financial lack should be able to have a chance to buy nice stuff too. Now, I am soooo for every person, no matter their situation, being able to enjoy some nice things in life. Being poor does not mean you should not get to have nice things. But seriously, the sales that happen on Black Friday; only a small few are worth the trouble, and honestly, things go on sale many times during the year. We are literally fighting for our blood & breaths, and y’all want to argue about not being able to get a 40 inch TV on Black Friday? Even though I’m not happy that we can’t see the bigger picture… I like to try to be more thorough, and provide solutions for as many angles as I can see.

If you can’t see yourself giving up any non-essentials * rolls eyes*  for the sake of a long term goal… BUILD COMMUNITY THEN! Building community is the answer for you who think this way, and for all of us who want more authentic liberation! The more you build with your community, the more you can make ways for nice things to be within reach for more people. I look at the Somali Community in my city… They have such a sense of togetherness, they all work to make sure everyone can prosper in every way… Even in getting nice non-essentials… They take care of their own who are struggling, they help everyone get up higher, they trade between themselves, and they money pool between themselves. Everything is a collective effort worth admiring. They come here, mostly as refugees…That struggle & sense of “we’re all we have” has helped them to build beautifully in my city. We can do the same, if we can again, tap into the “we’re all we have” spirit that our people once possessed in over-abundance.

Many in the “Boycotts are the devil crowd”… Many were/are saying this from a place of greed, and not true care for those most marginalized, as I have previously stated. However, some who are the most marginalized, are understandably against boycotts that are not strategized to include them. This distinction in that “crowd” is important… Those who are marginalized and have legit gripes against boycotts; are not greedy…. THEY WANT TO SURVIVE! This is why they should be the most heard, and strategy should be devised so that they can participate. If boycotting is to be done at all, it must be handled on every level; whilst still realizing everyone will have to give up some level of comfort…. It just shouldn’t be that some are left without ample resources to supplement themselves, during boycotts of any and all sorts.

We’re going to have to get out of our own way, as a people in many ways… Those whose anti-boycott stance is fueled by greed, often LOVE to talk about revolution & dismantling the system as the right solution; yet fail to realize that with revolution comes discomfort, restructuring, destabilization; as we rebuild. We have to be okay with that… If you can’t practice a little discomfort now, how will you practice full blown destabilization that could occur at anytime the way things are going in the world? How y’all gonna want revolution, and be afraid to miss out on one shopping day? How do you lot want revolution, but not willing to not be capitalistic for a day? Let me ask y’all… Have you all ever struggled in life? I have! I know what it is like to have everything, and I know what it is like to have nothing at all. I know what it means to sacrifice because of principle, so I am not speaking empty theory… I’ve been the highest high, and the lowest low… When at the lowest low, I know what it means to have to decide to choose heart over head; soul over body… I say that not to boast but to let you know life is very familiar to me… I’ve practiced this, and I do believe it takes practice… It’s an ongoing journey and my own selfishness has to be checked daily…It’s a choice… It’s absolutely a choice! Find your motivation & practice less self-centeredness, and more community centering. A balance that can be done without sacrificing love for self, for the love of community… And vice versa… A hard balance to find for me sometimes. It’s not fun to always do what you’d rather not, or choose a harder way, but it makes for great character building… It makes us better individuals… Better individuals make better communities! One thing I know in my limited knowing, the hard times I have faced in life have been my greatest teachers; endowing me with things I would have never been able to develop on my own.

I was fortunate enough to be part of a plethora of shut-it down actions in Ferguson/St.Louis, on that Black Friday… Right after the no indictment of darren wilson in 2014. We cost the area 2 billion in sales, by coming into the malls and shopping centers, shouting freedom chants, drumming, and having die-ins. We had been calling for a boycott for weeks prior, folks from all over the country desiring to stand against what was happening to #MikeBrown #TamirRice #JohnCrawford #TanishaAnderson and so many others… So much so, that it was a widespread idea. People argued about it… Relentless discourse on Twitter... A combination of some of the reasons I have already proposed in this blog. Yet and still, as we were out and about that day, we saw many BLACK People shopping. Some, I’m sure didn’t know about the boycott, and some did know, but just didn’t care. However, those of us participating in those shut-it down actions that day; we knew that in order to get BLACK People to observe the Black Friday Boycott, we would have to literally get the stores to close down… This is the sad part. This lack of tie to community and purpose can’t be overlooked; it is a major reason why traditional boycotts aren’t working better… We have to plan around our strengths and our frailties. Are boycotts a failure in and of themselves, or do we make boycotts fail because of lack of unity & planning? I would say it is the latter! But how can we plan around our frailties?

So... Here are a few things that I propose, need to be included in a Boycott framework in 2016… Since society has normalized self-centered modus operandi: 

1. Research… Hitting the right targets is everything. Be very pointed, and understand the trickle down affect… Is it an affect that will get you what you are looking for? Will the most marginalized end up facing the greatest brunt of your economic withdrawal?
2. If you are doing a boycott that will affect peoples daily sustenance shopping, you have to provide alternatives, and also every community must have stations where people can supplement themselves— if the alternatives are not feasible for them.
3. Those who have more should give more…Whatever you strengths are, be willing to use them. E.g. If you are blessed with money &/or resources, make sure you are providing for the aforementioned stations, so that everyone can stay afloat during boycotts that are targeted for major retailers; that handle folks food & hygiene.
4. Each community should have weekly meetings where any logistics & plans can continue for the boycotts in place… A place where folks can come to be uplifted & reminded about why they are doing what they are doing… A place of empowerment, upliftment and cultural education.
5. Getting the word out is crucial! After getting some do-able plans in place, do everything you can to spread the word. Canvass neighborhoods, use social media… Spread the word by any means available.
6. Deflate the unbalanced ego. Don’t start fighting about who coined what first. Just do the work and make sure that every willing soul, will have what they need to participate.
7. Boycotts need tiered actions and to be in multiples… Make sure there are various ways people can participate in pressuring a target, and make sure that there is more than one target at a time... To intensify the push. Not everyone can do every angle, so be sure folks can do the ones most feasible to them; adding more participation and power.
8. Know what your goal is… Don’t just boycott without demands. They need to be clear & formalized in the beginning strategizing... Everything needs to be centered around the demands.
9. Understand that boycotting should not only pressure the system to give into the demands, but it should also psychologically devastate the tenants of white supremacy— In as much or greater force as we are psychologically traumatized by it.

Like I said, boycotts are just one tactic… It isn’t “the answer” to our collective torment. It is however, something we should explore using. I think it could be a hydrogen bomb in our fight against systematic oppression, if we plan and unify the right way. Our disunity will make it so much more difficult than it was in the 60’s to achieve, but that doesn’t mean boycotting is trash. It’s not going to get us free in and of itself, just like anything else… Hell, even my dream of dismantling the system is going to take many “to the root of the problem” tactics… Nothing works alone… Let’s not romanticize any tactic, let’s use them effectually! We have to think things through, and be willing to sacrifice… Being sure that the most marginalized have the needed support & resources made available to them, to participate with everyone else… We need a greater percentage of BLACK People willing to participate, in order to accomplish more liberation in realer, more lasting ways. We can't have such a small percentage of us carrying the load for our entire people & Ancestral Energies. Unfortunately, knee-grows are dead set on being an island… So I dunno y’all… But I am willing to try.

COPYRIGHT ©  ORIT 2016

www.oritvibes.com

Frustrations-Fear Me Knots-Fuck You’s!

I am so frustrated… I am irate. So much is going through my mind, my heart, my soul, my spirit… Am I shocked by the newest public examples of #PoliceTerror? I am not shocked, but of course I am beyond sad and I am vexed to the utmost! Seeing the brutal executions of #AltonSterling & #PhilandoCastille on video… The heartless disposition of these demons in blue as they took the life of these BLACK MEN; their last breaths… How Philando’s girlfriend Diamond (who is a hero by the way)—She had to record the whole scene, by going live on Facebook… Under the threat of that racist cop, while their child watched on; trying to comfort her mother as her daddy died… His blood oozing into the burial grounds of a cars interior. 

Watching the life force leave another individual has always been eerie for me, but to watch it done in the spirit of race hatred and State sanctioned violence on BLACK People; it is always beyond devastating. The sad thing is, without video… No one would believe us, because this country does not see BLACK as human. This is why most Amerikkkans, who are white of course, can say such vile things to us when the police kill our people… Our lives mean less to them than a cat or dog; bare facts, truth unhindered.

For BLACK PEOPLE, this is a continued state of terror we live in… We get no days off, no time and a half…We live the realities of Police Brutality in this systematic racist matrix, daily. We often try to push our reality to the back of our minds, but when we get behind the wheel of a vehicle, we know we have a target on our backs.

The moment a cop car is in sight… We start going through the mental&emotional checklist of survival…Well, most of us BLACK Folk anyway… I know there are some out there who swear they are a colorless creature, that gets treated equal; therefore racism doesn’t exist and blah blah blah…Congrats, you are in the 1%! *eye roll* But, If you’re a vehicular police brutality survivor like me, your coping checklist will look something like this:

1. Out loud praying… Asking for help/protection
2. Taking foot of gas, even though I’m not speeding
3. Avoiding eye contact ( they hate that &will get you for this)
4. Telling myself to look calm, look relaxed
5. Praying louder & louder the closer I get to their flashing lights
6. Repeating “please don’t let them get me” over & over way after I have passed them
7. Continually checking my mirror to make sure they are not following me
8. Breathing again, thanking the CREATOR & Ancestors for the protection
9. Proceeding to sing with my music to calm myself down
10. Repeating all this again the moment another police car is near me

Do you do any of these things when you see the oinks?

You would never know that all of this is going on inside of me, if just looking at my outward appearance; I have the really calm looking type of PTSD… But inside of me; I’m uber stressed when cops are on the road with me. I do not see them as those here to serve and protect; they are my nightmares with a badge of authority to terrorize. If you really know me, you may notice when I’m triggered, but to most I would seem calm & collected… I manage it very well. I still drive… It is an act of resistance just to drive & not stop moving and living; so I am determined to do so; though I do hate driving now. I am not incapacitated by the trauma of this life, but if you are, it is absolutely understandable & you are not weak; nor should you feel shame…You need room to heal… Healing is an ongoing process for me…I don’t have it all together, I am a work in progression. Having the courage to heal makes you so strong, beloved! We all go through different stages when exposed to trauma… You are still here, that is an act of resistance in itself, and I am proud of you!

I am LIGHT & I keep moving, staying honest with myself, and give myself room to feel everything without shame…This is my personal version of strong BLACK Womanism… Always growing, learning, propelling, giving.

The aforementioned checklist is the changes I go through when the cop is on the side of the road… It’s a lot more complicated, however, when the cop is behind me or trying to ride beside me. My rules of engagement is to try to never let them behind or beside me. Sometimes that is very difficult, like it was for me 3 weeks ago. 

3 weeks ago, I had a sheriff where I live, following me all over the place. I got to a very public lot & just sat there in my car… I made sure plenty of people were around, and I thank G-D it was daytime! He sat behind me in that parking lot, without approaching me for 10 minutes…10 loooooong minutes. He and his partner finally gave up, and left me alone. An experience like this makes my blood pressure sky rocket, because this isn’t my first car/cop experience… I’ve unfortunately experienced much worse. 

On May 21, 2015. I had a very intense and abusive police brutality situation, as I was driving westward. It was akin to what happened to #SandraBland, except I made it out his police vehicle alive, and didn’t get taken to the police station. I was on my way to Kansas City, Mo & was at the Illinois/Missouri border (Illinois Jurisdiction) when all this occurred.

I figured out, after the fact, that I had been watched/pointed out at an unusually fully staffed rest stop… I did notice they were staring at me, and one guy came outside as I was pulling off… I guess I didn’t realize he was taking my plates & description. The police brutality experience happened 2 minutes after me leaving that rest stop. I think they were trying to track activists coming into Missouri… In fact I know they were! I was so close to St.Louis/Ferguson at this time, and this cops line of questioning let me know exactly why they were pulling me over; though he pretended it was for an air freshener I had hanging on my mirror. He said it was obstructing my view. I was like, ok… And I preceded to take it down. As I reached to take it down, he said: “That isn’t necessary” & then he immediately said: “Get out your car!” Now think about it y’all… If it wasn’t necessary, why am I being pulled over? Why do I know have to get out the car?

The warning the cop gave me after my ordeal that he NEVER filed!

I won’t detail everything that happened to me that 40 minutes I was in that car, after being dragged into it for no reason… Just know, it has greatly affected me. I was roughed up, harassed, threatened… I didn’t know if I was going to make it out alive… I complied at first, but then I fought back… I couldn’t go out not fighting… I thought to myself” If he’s going to kill me, I’m going to be the most smart-aleck, questioning BLACK Woman I can possibly be.” I advise people to stay alive, and go home to their families…  but alas, I’m a warrior spirit and I’m proud AF… I don’t like to have my humanity taken from me, and not get the last word on it at the very least. Please, do what you can to stay alive though… Nothing wrong or weak about staying alive… I wasn’t thinking as clear, because of what I was going through. Would I do things differently? Yeah, I’d probably question him from the beginning more, but that would’ve made things worse… I dunno, really who knows? It’s hard to look back and say, because I am embarrassed by what happened to me, which is why I only speak of it in general terms… It makes me feel low, and I don’t like that feeling. I had been brought so low in some of the moments in that car, I had to raise myself back up… He tinkered with the cameras when we first got in the cop car…It was so bad, but I am grateful to be still be here.

Just a few days ago, I had someone who cares enough to look into this horrible situation for me… He has already found out that the cop didn’t even turn in the warning he gave me… Very slick move…To act like I was never in that car. I do have the copy of that warning still, so it can never be denied that he pulled me over that day. His tinkering with the camera was by design… He knew what he was going to do, and he wanted no video evidence. I am blessed to be alive…This is my story, and it is not brand new or rare… It happens to BLACK PEOPLE every single day.

The day after Philando was executed, 5 cops were killed at a protest…The guy they say did it was not a protester, and to be honest, all the details about what happened are sketchy AF. A girl who was there, watching from the hotel started live tweeting what she was seeing. Her testimony is nothing like the cops story & Twitter deleted her entire account before daybreak. Thankfully, somebody screenshot her tweets, so that they couldn’t be erased… Amerikkka has a long history of complicated evil… Look how they killed Dr. King, and then gave him a holiday… SMDH!

Picture Courtesy of: @BallerAlert

This event in Dallas, which seems very calculated ( the FBI/CIA has taken out their own people before, just to control a narrative; just look it up)— is being used to try to smear the movement for BLACK Lives…To try to get attention away from the issue of Police Brutality; shifting the focus from how BLACK People are in danger everyday, because of those who wear blue… These cops don’t serve and protect BLACK People, but harm & terrorize… 

I don’t want anyone to have to die… I don’t rejoice in death… Here is the thing: Instead of lecturing BLACK People, the most oppressed people on earth; who suffer astronomical police terror daily: Tell the cops how their violence breeds violence, stop lecturing the oppressed! We live a lament… Those cops kill, rape, brutalize, & falsely apprehend our people every day; we are perpetual tears, we are massive heart congestion. Simply put, cops won’t be targets when they stop unjustly targeting others!

Why do cops not think that their violence will breed violence? Universal law says karma comes to us all... We reap what we sow... No one is exempt. Physics( Newton's Law) states: " For every action there is an equal & opposite reaction"... If there were good cops, they'd force their comrades to do right, by creating environments where they would be afraid to do bad things to people... This never happens, and those who do… Those who try to speak out about the bad they see, they are fired or pushed out. There is an entire system of lawlessness that goes on in Police Departments... The kkk still calls a lot of their shots, because every department is full of their members… In high places, as well as lower ones.

Cops not only kill us, they plant evidence(as we have seen plenty of times), they lie in other ways, they do illegal things at every turn from taking drugs & money at crimes scenes, to using their flashing lights to speed through traffic lights... Their colleagues who say they are “good”… Who say they don't do "bad things”, turn a blind eye to every rotten thing they do... The "code of silence”... Blue Culture.

We've seen them plant stuff on those they kill unjustly, just like they did #VonderittMyers… They hardly ever get charged, very rarely get in any trouble... Cops have the privilege of having the Prez write them laws to protect them, so that can legally terrorize us as we protest & live & attempt to breathe fresh air…They do all sorts of negative things daily, just to make BLACK Folks life so much harder than it already is; uneasy and unpredictable. 

Karma comes, and she sings her own song. I don't know what I'm supposed to say to her tune? Haunting and melodious and true…Always true. Bible thumpers, who at the same time like to be non-readers, have been talking so much mess, but they forget what is in the Torah/Bible. The Bible tells you everyone will have their day, reap what they sow… G-D told people to fight for the oppressed, not be silent and inactive…In The New Testament, Yeshua was in the Garden about to be arrested ( a true revolutionary) he told his close followers:

“But now let the one who has a moneybag take it, and likewise a knapsack. And let the one who has no sword sell his cloak and buy one. Luke 22:36

Yeshua said get some coins & a sword! What he was saying in our terms is: Organize and protect yourself cause I’m getting locked up on some foolishness! Like, even I get that, and I am sure I am a heathen in the eye of most Christians and their standards😂… Stop acting brand new & unintelligent! Y’all getting on my nerves.

Anyway, there is a time & place for all things. Our blood is always flowing in the streets, in our cars, in our homes, on playgrounds, in stores, in front of stores… Make-Shift and perpetual  execution chambers everywhere, because of the demons in blue. We never get justice, our voices are never taken seriously... It's a shame that the scenario has to exist, but the culprit is white supremacy... White supremacy uses cops to keep BLACK People subjugated... "Bring us to heel", like Hillary Clinton's fascist behind said about our young ones…

So what's the answer? The entire system needs to be dismantled! I dunno if we have what it takes to see that happen in my lifetime… We lack unity & LOVE vibration strong enough to propel us over the top & liberate ourselves as need be. However, I will always work toward BLACK Liberation, and planting seeds in those who will listen/read... I am learning to be strategic, and not build on shaky ground with those who do not operate at the same LOVE frequency as me, but that’s a whole other blog, honey— I digress.

Cops need to be disempowered, but Obama, the current Prez of Amerikkka, has been empowering them by laws; giving them room to be more reckless... Also notice, he's going to Dallas because cops were shot, but he has refused to go to #Ferguson #Madison #Baltimore #CLE or anywhere else the people have rose up to protest police brutality & systematic racism in the last few years... He shows us, our lives don't matter to him over and over and over again... But hey, he works for the system… His job is to

maintain it, not fight for BLACK People… He never said he would fight for us, yet he loves to use his BLACKNESS, our BLACKNESS, as a selling point… Most of our people have bought into this, and are mesmerized by it… He has their allegiance and support no matter if he cares about us, or not… He has swag, after all.… He uses BLACKNESS as a charm over the hearts of BLACK People, a people downcast for so long; we’re often happy for any scrap, and don’t have the capacity to internalize that we CAN demand better and must! Obama’s presidency meant everything to so many… Our people have soul tears drowning our internal system, and finally saw a way to release the rivers through him… To admit he isn’t doing right by us, is especially hard, and many refuse to do so… I get it. But I am unfortunately, fortunately, and humbly woke… We deserve better, my people!

I believe that no president can do right by the people, because the system prevents this… Still, a BLACK man pushing the agenda of white supremacy is the highest treason to my soul… It hurts more than anything. This is why the mindset of dismantling the system is something I won’t back down from… Obama refuses to fight for our lives, or even try, yet many are willing to fight for his… Ain’t that some shit?

So... I cannot sing a dirge for cops... Dallas Police Department have a looooooooooooong history of police brutality. Police are not the “good guys.” Police were started out of slave patrols…There #1 job & main concern to this day, is to come after BLACK PEOPLE... The Black Woman cop who somewhat spoke out against what has been happening to BLACK People being killed by her colleagues, was fired... She went against the code.

See how that works? When you do speak up, they get rid of you. You can no longer be a cop if you do not uphold the code. The code is evil… The code is cruel and calculating… The code is injustice channeled through those who are supposed to protect and serve. Police, at the very least need to be disempowered, dismantled, and something totally different needs to be put in their place… All of their old cases need to be looked into, as they are dismantled, and then they need to be put on trial for war crimes against BLACK People, Brown People, & any other people they have reeked havoc on. Just like after World War 2…Find all the criminals and punish everyone according to what they deserve. This probably would only happen if we totally dismantled the system, and people gave a fuck about BLACK People… Yet and still, I can voice that this is what actually needs to happen from my heart set.

I’d prefer my people to build our communities & protect our own, so that we never have to rely on any government entity for protection or anything else… However, something in place of what is now(police), needs to be put into place; we will always have to deal with any entity put in place, so it needs to be done in a way; that we can feel like our lives are not in danger. We need something that allows the people to be a part of making sure, that a new entity, that actually protects and serves all people; they gotta be thoroughly checked and balanced by the people! 

Every community board must have more BLACK, followed by BROWN people on their boards, no matter the location or demographic… This will ensure that racist practices are abolished from every jurisdiction. We need something that gives a new entity tough, mandatory sentences for their infractions… They need to fear breaking the law just like anyone else… IQ requirements need to be raised… No more of this 'not taking people with high IQ' bullshit! Anyone who is part of a new entity that actually protects and serves, must live in the community they serve; that has to be a non-negotiable! We need something that allows the families of those unjustly executed; they need to be paid and able to take their cases to the supreme court if need be! No gag orders… No bullshit! Those payments need to come out of the department pension fund & not the funds of the City… Folks losing money not only have motivation to do right, but to encourage their colleagues to do the same.This is just a few things that would help immensely… Can you think of some more?

No one is even willing to do the least of these things… And let’s not blame a GOP congress all the damn time…There are ways around everything; namely presidential executive orders. We get no protection from the racist police, but then again, this system is racist AF… Yet, my people are always trying to rise! We’re going to be first one day… One day we’re gonna win! So, no… I will never be for police, because they are a death squad... Historically and to this day. So yes, fuck the police, fuck systematic racism, fuck environmental racism, fuck congress, fuck politickans… Until my people can be free like everybody else…Fuck it all!

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My declaration to the knee-grows who think I should kill myself...

No, I won't kill myself because you demand I shut-up...SMDH!

🌬🌬🌬🌬🌬🌬🌬🌬🌬🌬🌬🌬🌬🌬🌬🌬🌬🌬🌬🌬

I was told to kill myself today, just a few hours ago... Accompanied with a picture of a gun. This was done by a BLACK Woman... Yes, a BLACK Woman, to me... Yes me! I also happen to be a BLACK Woman; trippy right? Now take note, she did not say this to me in a way that slang has evolved with this phrase (which I don't like)-- You know, when someone is angry with you, and want to end an exchange... Nah, it wasn't that... This was said in a way that is literal and purposeful. How did it even get to such an extreme place so fast? I dunno, it was just out the blue, really. You see, I constructed a series of tweets this morning about how I see the connection between Hillary, Loretta Lynch & Obama as not being able to be separated from one another...A few hours later...

This BLACK Woman, whom I've never interacted with before on any platform, or in person for that matter,  starts tweeting me... She explained that she wants me to stop bringing up Obama's inaction and how he chose Loretta Lynch & Hillary Clinton... To this woman, I was lying about her lord & savior, Barak Hussein Obama. This BLACK Woman doesn't like that I said that Obama isn't blind to what these two do, or have done. She also said I am lynching him when I bring up that he has neglected #Ferguson & #Flint, and that I should kill myself so that no harm comes to him... No, seriously.LOL... She says this would be the "best trade off" for my transgressions in truth-telling... My dying, so that no one brings up that he doesn't really care about us? My dying, so others learn their lesson & shut-up when she demands ? My dying, to appease the coons she accused me of being one of?

So, let me just say that I have never wished death or harm to Obama, Hillary, Or Loretta... I call out their bullshit & how they harm us, but I don't ever say or think about it being good if they were to be physically harmed... NOPE! That isn't how my heart is set up... None of them EVER!!!! You can read everything I have ever posted anywhere on social media, and you won't find that even one time, even when angry; I haven't EVER wished harm upon them... NEVER! My heart is right and my hands clean, and I have love for my people...This is why I am not silent about what is harming us... No matter how hard it may be to admit at times.

However, to some soul sick individuals, it's okay for my own people to wish me to kill myself, because his ( Obama's) persona and how he is perceived, matters more to them than the very air that I breathe; I simply do not deserve to live for questioning & calling out the mess going on to my people in Amerikkka, if it involves calling out the ways he (Obama) is at fault. This is her logic, and the logic of those cowards who sent her. She gave herself away today in her words to me... She doesn't even know me, but someone she deals with put her up to this... Someone so cowardly they can't speak to me directly, but sent her, a person who is obviously unstable, to harass me in this way...LMAO

This is the cognitive dissonance I often speak of that has gotten mixed with misplaced loyalty... This BLACK Woman doesn't follow or read bills Obama has signed, his words to disparage BLACK People, ECT... All this person knows is that he is BLACK; therefore her savior... No matter what he does & doesn't do... NO matter if he harms, or degrades; I am not worthy of my life to her, because I speak out what his (Obama's) reality has been, in correlation to our peoples wellbeing.

As a BLACK Woman who spends a lot of time and heart giving to cause & people, things like this really makes me wonder WTF am I even perpetually risking my safety, sanity, heart & soul whispers for? Knee-grows like these are dangerous... She may murder someone one day, just because she has placed a person on an altar they do not belong on... It's just...WOW

Let me make this declaration... I have felt low... I have seen much pain and sadness being involved in freedom work of nuance, but I WOULD NEVER KILL MYSELF. Just know this, as folks want me to stop breathing for speaking truth... My own people who love a lie more than liberation... mmmm... I won't wish her ill, or whoever put her up to it.... I will keep my cool, and allow Karma to do the job she does so very well... I am truly in a state of wonder... I am not afraid of her or them, and I will not be silenced... I am protected. This, however, is something that should be shared publicly... I dunno what the solution is... However, have a great Friday! I certainly intend to rest in the bosom of my Ancestors & TRUTH... Ashe'!

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