(Warning: If you don’t read this entire blog entry, you’ll miss where I am going with this…)
Come in close… Come on, don’t be afraid… Closer… Closer… Closer… And yes, I do bite, but it’s very rare, and only to protect others or myself from harm… LOL! But seriously, I am actually very mild… I do have a very direct way of communicating that only seems harsh, to those who are use to everything around them being sugar coated. To be around me, you feel at ease & you feel love… Even if you are insecure about something I possess… And sometimes people can just be jealous of my vibe & aura, which is baffling to me… But anywhoo… Who I am isn’t the subject of this blog, per se, but surely, as always, I will be authentic and transparent as we continue… The subject we must delve into today is one that comes up, and gets shot down so much… Why is that you ask? It gets shot down & attacked as an attack, because it requires intra-communal accountability, and a change in mindset… A mindset mostly, but not solely had by our beautiful BLACK Brotha’s… Whom I love…
It’s Misogynoir and all of its offspring: rape culture & cohorts, Bro Codes, silence when BLACK Women & Girls face violence, and avoidance of responsibility by evoking “don’t keep a brotha down” at the most inappropriate times, and so much more… Yes, we need to talk about this, and all of the in’s & out’s thereof… Because as we fight this racist & oppressive system together, we can’t continue to have this sort of intra-communal oppression going on… Yes, it’s time to delve in unabashedly… We have to get this together or there will be no, and I repeat NO, BLACK Liberation…
Let me just say, I LOVE BLACK MEN… It’s a love that transcends space & time… An innate love because we share the same surge of frequency( though each individual vibes on differing aspects of that surge) therefore we are closely related, more so than with any other humans… And that is not to say that one can’t connect with other people on the planet in a close and meaningful way… What I am saying is, BLACKNESS gives off a certain frequency… Heard in the timbre of our voices, no matter the accent or style of speaking… Seen in the way our feet hit the earth, no matter how we train or alter our cadence… There is a spiritual aspect to our BLACKNESS… The ORIGINAL in us speaks through us, and to all creation in many ways simultaneously…. Everyone the MOST HIGH created in this human form; they came about first because the direct reflection of SOURCE that we are… IS.
Because of the BLACK Woman’s close proximity to the BLACK man, not just in our skin color or our connection through our nuanced cultures… Our Spiritual connection is also pronounced whether we realize it, believe it, or hate it… This is why we must heal… We set the examples for our young ones to continue or discontinue, the same patterns( whether good or bad) that we currently embrace. All negative patterns that are active in our community must cease… We MUST be the generation of people living on the earth to say: “ Enough is a fucking nuff… Let’s heal so we can attain more freedom for our Ancestors( we are one with them), for ourselves, For our progeny!” The circle, never ending.
There is so much to discuss, but in light of the Nate Parker Rape case resurfacing, and the smorgasbord of reactions… It’s important we delve into misogynoir, rape culture, and how that affects the freedom of BLACK People here and abroad. I get that his case is resurfacing at a time that’s odd, and seemingly thwarts an amazing movie about revolutionary Nat Turner… However, that does not negate the fact that what Nate & his roommate did to this girl (she committed suicide a few years after) 17 years ago, has a psychological affect on those in our community that know what it’s like to be raped… Or can at least empathize on the most basic level, and are just now learning about this case. To those like us, the fact that two men who admitted to sexing an unconscious girl ( Nat got off on technicality and had athlete privilege & the roommate convicted)— They both wrote and directed this film…Together. This seems to mock the very essence of Nat Turner, a righteous revolutionary who didn’t play any games with anybody… I get it’s hard for many to understand, because of how it intersects the reality of white supremacy, and surely white supremacy does not want Nat’s story told… Me getting why so many don’t get why Nate and his roommates actions in the past matter, is not me agreeing with this stance! And perhaps our Ancestor Nat blew this wind up himself…When invoking very powerful Ancestors, as what is being done with this film, do not be surprised if they have their say!
Not everything is always the oppressor’s doing…Maybe he ( Nat) wants us to start dealing with the nonchalant attitudes in our community, when it comes to misogyny, rape culture, and every other oppression associated. Remember the type of man Nat is (I believe that our Ancestors still are alive, still evolving & growing, just not in human form)— While in human form on the earth, Nat stood for what is right, which is why he did all he did, tapped in spiritually, and led a revolt against the evils of slavery… Don’t sleep on the Ancestor’s!
It is no secret that in Amerikkka, and all around the world, no matter the culture and variance of degree… Rape Culture is a thing. It is so deeply ingrained in the psyche of most cultures on this planet. I need us to focus, however, on how we as oppressed BLACK People of the Amerikkkan & world community by-proxy; how we must have more of a sense of urgency in eliminating the replication of ALL oppressive behaviors in our communities… We have many things we have to stamp out, most are the by-product of oppression & losing a sense of who we are… And in some cases, I realize that some folks ( all sexes) are just shitty people as a tenant of their existence, for no damn reason. Our communities needs to have safe guards against such people… No matter who they are, or what they have achieved…
Which brings us to the chief cornerstone problem, as to why we have such a complex & vicious intra-commmunal issue with rape culture & misogynoir… BLACK achievement, especially from BLACK Men, in a world where it is extra hard to achieve, because of the hatred & oppression of BLACKNESS… BLACK Male achievement is held as sacred. Even though BLACK Women achieve sooooo very much in this world, BLACK Women’s accomplishments are not as protected by the community when she does wrong… She is not offered the same protection within the community as a BLACK Man ( e.g Marion Jones treatment from the BLACK Community vs Mike Tyson’s)…As a matter of fact, this same attitude applies to atrocities done against us by killer cops as well…
The way Korryn Gaines was treated by so many BLACK men in our community, when the facts were still trailing in slowly about her; many decided to bash her… Whereas BLACK Women as a reflex, always default to defending BLACK Men right away, and are the first to protest & stand against injustices they face… Even if they were doing wrong, we know their life mattered, and that they didn’t deserve to die unjustly by cops for petty misdemeanors. We know cops first defense when they kill any BLACK Person is to lie, so we never accept their lies… The many ridiculous tall tales they tell like: “He had a gun” “ He pointed a gun at me”… The never ending bullshit of them “fearing for their life” and so many other disrespectful fabrications they come up with… Nah, we defend and fight for you!
In the case of Korryn, and many other BLACK Women in differing circumstances; too many of our beloved men bash BLACK Women to nothingness prematurely… Why is it like this? Well it seems that legitimate hurts BLACK Men have suffered from BLACK Women, or learned toxic versions of masculinity on “ how men are to be” are the main culprits of such vitriol… It’s the only way I can explain it, because it is so quick & acute… Black Men, let me know… You can respond to this blog and tell me why this happens from your perspective (but first read the entire blog)… I can only speculate as a BLACK Woman, as to why so many of our men behave this way toward us…
And furthermore, these attitudes are not just had by BLACK Men, some BLACK Women in our community have been programmed to this mindset as well… Often helping the brotha’s who are doing these “take downs” or dismissing them for their disrespect when it should really be confronted… A higher treason in my personal opinion when it is helped along by another BLACK Woman. When these sorts of attitudes toward BLACK Women is accepted in our community… Every person is affected, and our children normalize it and perform it, as they grow into adulthood… A cycle that must be broken.
And yes, it is our shared struggle as BLACK Women & Men, and we bring forth BLACK children who must struggle beside us… It’s the struggle of trying to break free of white supremacy, that fuels many in our community to want to gloss over detrimental behavior amongst us… This seems especially heightened when it comes to crimes that primarily affect BLACK Women and Girls, in which BLACK men are the primary perpetrators. How many rapists & child molesters have been exonerated by so many in our community, simply because they can sAng or have money or are celebrated in some other way… Knowing full well many of us know, and see the proof that they are guilty… Even when the injustice system let’s them buy their way out of consequences.
Our intra-communal justice system is pretty much non-existent… How many times have we let the Eddie Long’s, Bill Cosby’s, R-Kelly’s, Nate Parker’s ECT off the hook because they broke past the systematic racist barriers, to achieve great things in their lives? I am NOT saying that BLACK Women do not molest or rape people… I am saying that everyone can see her crimes easily, but when a BLACK Man that is celebrated does them, there is always an excuse for him…
Rape culture within BLACK families is like a micro version of the communal issue… The ongoing systematic oppression BLACK People face… Many will overlook what uncle or cousin so and so did to little Janie… But what about little Janie & the thousands like her… What about the little Jamal’s who faced the same torture?
We have allowed a culture within our culture, where it is “pleasing” to sacrifice the souls of those victimized, to a “greater good”… A good that is actually bad because it is morally bankrupt, and problematic in every way… Mainly because it is based off the myth…This unspoken myth that “we can’t allow white people to see us slippin’.” I truly believe this is what fuels this convoluted problem we face with so many overlooking serious crimes, done by some in our community to our community… Especially so for BLACK Women and Girls.
Every damn time some of us try to decry misogynoir, rape culture, and all its descendants… We get a slew of BLACK Men & Women trying to override with: “We shouldn’t bring Black Men down”, “But y’all ain’t say anything about <insert any white perv>, “ Well why did she wait so long to say something”, “Well you know these girls look like grown women nowadays”, “ Well you know she wanted it” “Don’t talk ill of the man of god”, “Oh I just like his music/acting/producing”… I could literally go on with the excuses… It’s really sad, and we have to change this!
I know as BLACK People, we’ve been tossed to and fro on systematic racism’s sea of lies… I know this has caused so much discombobulation within us, in more ways than this blog can express… I know we sista’s have plenty of work to do on ourselves… We are not flawless. We have our issues… Yet, none of this takes away from the truth of this problem, that is being discussed in this blog.
In our community, BLACK Men wield psychological power over the whole community(patriarchal privilege), therefore the ways in which BLACK Women & Girls are oppressed have to have BLACK Men caring & concerned in dismantling it throughly… There are some dope brotha’s out here & some dope sista’s too, but being dope individually is not enough… We need to raise a communal consciousness where we are vibing at the highest level within our shared surge frequency. We have to dismantle the patriarchy, rape culture, & every other behavior and mindset, that demeans BLACK Women and Girls. Otherwise, there will be no revolution; there will be no lasting and thorough liberation for our people.
There is this phenomenon of “Bro Code” that is found in every culture in variance around the globe, and it is a unity based off of keeping each other (men) out of trouble, no matter how wrong it is… In our community in Amerikkka, Bro Code exemplifies itself in many ways… “Slut” branding, being silent or ignoring their bro’s doing harmful things to their lovers, taking the side of an abuser or rapist because “well he’s never done anything to me”, always taking the side of men in debates even when they know the man is wrong, ECT… It’s a code that says: We’re men and we stick together no matter what… Right or wrong. Men who deviate from this code are ostracized or labeled as being “a pussy” or other monikers… It reminds me a lot of Blue Culture… You know, how the cops stick together to hide each others shit…
And then there are the BLACK Women… And G-D bless their confused souls, for thinking that downing BLACK women in the presence of these type of men, those who are strict adherers to Bro Code; that this will bring up their “stock.” I have seen it so much online and offline… BLACK Women running to help down a BLACK Woman who has been victimized, or who dares speak out against a perpetrator… Just so other Black Men can crown them “queen.” It’s really disgusting, but I understand why it exists… But don’t get it twisted, wanting to be crowned “queen” is not the only reason some BLACK women do this… Some BLACK Women have a hard time dealing with their rape &/or molestation, and so they have made faux peace in their minds, by explaining it away and blaming themselves… So when she witnesses a woman going after her attacker, especially when it’s a beloved figure, this type of Bro Code co-conspirator feels targeted, and therefore lashes out through victim blaming.
‘Cause I know and fully acknowledge, that not every accusation is true, and not every accused is guilty…Yes, I know BLACK Men have been unjustly accused of the rape of white women, just to give racists an opportunity to lynch them… Yes, all of this is real and factors into “hush culture”… Yes, I get it! STILL, that does not negate the fact that BLACK Women and Girls who have had a crime done against them by a popular BLACK Man; people don’t want to even believe that it is a possibility, and they start bashing her, whomever she is, immediately… Right away she is ripped to shreds…The moment she open her mouth, everyone is in defense of the more celebrated or well known man. This goes for men & boys who have been abused by BLACK Men as well… (e.g Eddie Long.) I am not excluding BLACK males who’ve been victimized, nor am I excluding BLACK Women who rape & molest… I am just focusing on misogynoir, but please know there are many intersections to this, and we have to work to take down every one.
I could go on and on, but truly I think I am making my points clearly… We need to make sure we liberate our community from misogynoir, rape culture… All of its offspring, cousins, and ex’s… We need healing healing healing!
There are certain things I admittedly struggle with grasping fully; on how we should operate… Not according to Amerikkkan Laws, but rather Universal Spiritual Laws & African Moral Codes of the past that we need to re-adopt… But here we are in 2016 in the oppressors stolen land… How do we go about deciding when enough is enough, and are there certain crimes we must push folks out of “the village” forever for committing? (e.g I don’t think child molesters can be rehabilitated)… How do we honor the victims, send a clear message that we won’t take that shit in our community, if we keep them around… Do we have a right and should we forever boycott & shun these sorts? Isn’t community safety & growth more important than skill, celebrity, or money? How is all of this supposed to work?
I think certain crimes like rape, molesting & unjustified murder should have a high price, and separation from the community should be a part of that; no matter what the oppressors injustice system decides… I think that the victims should have a chance to declare what they want to happen, and if it is agreed to be just; it should be carried out! I believe that we have to start having our own tribunals in our communities… To decide if wrong was done, because part of BLACK liberation must include governing ourselves…This is still practiced in many societies in Africa & the Caribbean…There is the law of the land, and then there is the law of the community… For safety reasons, and as a sign & byword to anyone else, we have to start taking strong stances amongst ourselves. I think before we can get to the place of properly self governing our communities, we have to get rid of this misogynoir & rape culture, and we have to culturally educate our people thoroughly… So that as we form these sorts of justice epicenters in our communities, we will have the collective right heart set & mindset to do it in the most righteous ways.
Here are a few more things that needs to happen to help dismantle misogynoir, rape culture, and any other behavior/ideal that limits Wombman & Girls from being heard, respected, taken seriously:
- Brotha’s get a new Bro Code… Let it be that y’all stick together tightly in not allowing BLACK Women & Girls to be demeaned or hurt, and holding yourselves to a higher standard than the oppressor has set forth in the earth in all matters.
- Bro’s & Sista’a need to be educated on rape, incest, molestation & the psychological affects
- Sista’s stop encouraging Bro Code just to get “chose”
- Bro’ & Sista’s must be culturally educated, so that we can have the right mind & heart set
- Bro’s & Sista’s must not excuse bad behavior in our community because a “fave” is on the hot seat
- Bro’s & Sista’s must be open to learning, unlearning & relearning as necessary
- Bro’s & Sista’s who get all of this already… Let your Light shine, correct the BS around you, and find ways of reaching our people in ways they will receive( the challenging part)
- Listen to victims, and believe them. If it is found out they lied about a person hurting them, they deserve the same penalty that the person falsely accused would have received.
This isn’t a lot of things… These are just beginning thoughts on how we can start to make things better in this area… Truth is, we have so much work to do… It starts with taking in this problem thoughtfully… Many are so closed to really discussing this, because it does center around patriarchy, therefore it seems to those not yet mature, that it is a man bashing session… This is not “men bashing”… This is Men upliftment to the Light… If y’all love us like you say, we should be able to come to you with our hurts & you should make every effort to correct what is hurting us. All of this has gone on far too long… Will we be the generation to end misogynoir, rape culture, and all its offspring in our communities, BLACK PEOPLE??? If we want revolution & liberation, we will…
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