We’re all human… Well, a lot of us are human… I’m not quite sure about everybody… I mean, it would explain a lot. Ha Ha Ha 🤔Anywhoo… We all fail, we all make mistakes… We all have character flaws that we have to work on fixing daily… Again, I say we all have character flaws that we have to work on fixing daily. Here’s the thing, we can and should be making a daily effort to become a better version of our intrinsic nature… It truly is about fine tuning the greatness that is already within us… This is a daily journey for me, and as I have said in the previous blog: “Better individuals, make better communities!”
I’ve been noticing that there is this really disturbing trend going around… This way of looking at life, that takes the pressure off of us in the wrong ways, and in the wrong areas… People are confusing loving who they are as a person, with not needing to work on their trouble areas… The areas that take away the authenticity & effectiveness of our CREATOR-given qualities. I have heard in person, and I have seen tweets online that exemplify; more and more people are giving into this notion, that they do not need to improve in any way.
I want to stress, I am not talking about the beautiful things about you or I… Those characteristics that are a part of our assignment on this side of things, our personality… Those breaths of G-D that need to be upon us… Those distinctions that make us who we are, beautifully crafted for the times in which we live… These attributes that many may see as negative, because they do not want the truths that resound from us, as we utilize and accept all of who we are…These are traits we should continue to grow and develop.
When I speak of improvement, I am more specifically talking about the behaviors that we learn and develop for whatever reasons, that take away from those innate characteristics we were born with; side behaviors that turn our innate qualities into weapons against ourselves, other people, and our communities. Behaviors that foster unbalanced ego, envy, jealousy and other lower vibe frequencies… We are all susceptible to these behaviors, so we must all work hard to gain the upper-hand over them… This is the only way we can build anything sustainable.
To clarify a bit… Let’s bring up a few examples of how we can turn beautiful intrinsic characteristic(s), into a weapon against ourselves and others. For instance, I am a very kind person, but I speak truthfully… I say things many are afraid to say. I am bold… Many would say, too much so, but I know it is a gift that has allowed me to be able to stand up for justice, and get through hard times in my life. If I use my outspoken and bold nature, and make fun of people… If I use my innate traits to tear people down, just because I am jealous and/or envious of what they can do, or have done… I am now muddying who I am with this sort of mean-spirited behavior. If I use who I am in this diminishing way, I would have to acknowledge, examine & work hard to end this sort of behavior… Determining why my mind & heart set is allowing me to be like this. Our good characteristics are of no good, when we use them to tear others self-esteem down. (Not to be confused with calling out unjust and harmful behavior, which is needed.)
When I was a young girl, I had plenty of friends, but I also had some people who hated me for no reason. Back then, I wasn’t as bold and outspoken as I am now. I would let people push me around for the longest, until I started to grow those specks that have always been within me… My more assured nature, hiding behind the surface of young age. I remember, I was about 7 years old, and I could outrun everybody. I had one of the fastest times in every sprinting event for my age at the time… The adults in my great aunts neighborhood would block off the street every now and again, to let us kids race. I would beat everyone, my age and older… Boy or girl, it didn’t matter. I wasn’t at all a ‘tom-boy” or anything like that… I enjoyed doing all sorts of things from playing barbies, to playing in the creek… I liked to dress up really feminine, do my nails, and play in the mud… I could fix things, and I was always coming up with some new game.
One day after this one street race, this boy who everyone said could beat me running; he lost to me. He was so angry, he came up behind me as I was talking to my friends, and punched me as hard as he could in my back. It hurt so bad… I started to run as some sort of shock reaction, with the wind knocked out of me… I fell to the ground, and finally let out a loud sob. It physically hurt really bad enough, but my feelings were hurt even more. Everyone in the neighborhood was angry he did this to me, but it wasn’t a big deal to them… Many were laughing about it within minutes… Including my great aunt…Everyone chalked the experience up to “puppy love.” You know, that dangerous thing we tell girls: “If a boy hits you, that means he likes you.” *shutter*
I was young… I tried to replay in my mind what I had done to deserve getting hit so hard by this older boy, my feelings were really hurt. I wasn’t the sort of child that was mean, or mocked people… I was even very shy about winning, though it did make me happy at that moment… After the incident, I didn’t want to race anyone in the neighborhood for a really long time.
So why did I tell this story? Well, this sort of behavior doesn’t change as we get older, unless it is dealt with intentionally… Unless a conscious effort to change and refocus energy is made… It just shifts into the more adult form of the same malady.
And guess what? I still have plenty of people “hitting me in the back” or at least trying to do so, in 2016… Have fun trying, I’m a lioness now… I’m also very protected! I’ll be 33 in October, and people never cease to amaze me in this area… Libra’s are very kind, but don’t mess with us… We don’t play! It’s not just me experiencing this though, I also witness plenty of other people being “hit in the back”, folks I try to uplift and support when I see that it is in progression… It’s sad because, grown people should not be acting this way. Especially grown BLACK People, as we’re fighting for our blood and breaths. I want to address and plant seeds in hearts, concerning this issue of unbalanced ego, envy & jealousy… It is truly holding us back from building; ultimately preventing BLACK Liberation from actualizing in more real ways.
It’s amazingly sickening to me… The very BLACK People who care the very least about our people, with a track record to prove it; all they have to do is have charisma or a talent people love… Then so many in our community will overlook every bad thing they do. Many of these same ones did many shady things, “hit many people in the back” in order to get where they are, or prevent others from becoming more seen than them… Our community sees it, some will admit that what these “hitters” do is bad… But then they’ll go back to business as usual, being too afraid to challenge them, or just not caring enough to be concerned… The person who has been “hit” is always left to recover on their own.
So, why is this our collective truth? Well, there is a lot of unbalanced ego, envy & jealousy in our community(s) from different people, and for different reasons. (Note: These issues are in every ethnic community, a tale as old as time… But I am addressing this from the BLACK perspective, and why we need to get this off of us so we can be more unified.) So though they may see the person who was “hit in the back”, and know it was wrong… You’d be surprised to find out how many people are secretly happy, because they have their own issues of unbalanced ego, envy & jealousy toward that person who was “hit”… So instead of offering support, or defending the person done wrong, they rally behind the one who is more popular, or with whom they can see getting something from in the future (if they are not already benefitting from arranged loyalty)… The hitter instead of the one hit is supported… It is a very vicious circle.
Sometimes people won’t like you or I, because we are confident… I have been told many times that people do not like that I am attractive, and that I am intelligent… They don’t like that I have the talents I have, and that I don’t apologize for them; nor do I rub them in anyone’s face. Sure, I have my own insecurities (lawd knows), but I don’t let that stop me from doing what I do… This makes some of us a target to those given to unbalanced ego, envy & jealousy… We may not have the power or visibility that they have, but when folks who are hyper-visible see folks like us, when they’ve have given themselves to the three monsters; they’ll do what they can to impede our becoming more visible, and acknowledged for what we can do… Starting rumors, forbidding people they work with to not work with us, telling their friends and associates not to befriend us, ECT… Just really mean playground type antics… But keep shining and being Light anyway… It can be very discouraging, but no one can ultimately stop what the UNIVERSE has for you and for me… Still, even in knowing this, this behavior does much damage to individuals and our community(s). So sorry to all my young sista’s & brotha’s out there, most people do not mature with age like we thought… But we need to work to change this, and the first step is acknowledging we have a collective problem!!!
This sort of hateration mentality never allows us to unify as BLACK People… A continual re-run, playing on a broke down black & white analog TV set… We have to do better as individuals, and as a community. We need to create environments that do not allow this sort of behavior to grow, fester, and spoil all who encounter it.
We are currently in the fight of our lives as BLACK People in Amerikkka, and so many are so concerned about the most trite shit… Folks so worried about who will out-shine them as our blood flows in the roads, in cars, on playgrounds, and in our beds because of State sanctioned cop terrorism… We need to be making plans to protect, cherish, and build up our people, but instead… So many are battling the inward issues, the petty issues, that prevents solid foundation laying.
None of us are flawless, and I understand that we all have different things we struggle with every day… Let me tell you this y’all, this unbalanced ego, envy & jealousy thing; it’s gonna keep us behind… Keeping us behind means we are further away from stopping the carnage that systematic oppression and lack of cultural education, is reeking on our people. It makes no sense that so many of our people will rally around rapists, child molesters, politicians& Presidents who don’t care about BLACK Lives, opportunists, feds pretending to be activists, and so many others… Just because they are perceived as having swag or talent… It’s amazing how so much “love” and concern and defense can be shown to them, but not to the ones you don’t like, or think are important, simply because you think they look better than you, more accomplished than you, more confident than you or more talented than you… A target to you, because they don’t have more power than you… If they did, you’d kiss their ass, whether they were in the wrong or right… That is deep, very deep indeed.
It is time to kill these soul afflictions… Each and every BLACK Person has so much to give to our community… Each one of us is irreplaceable, worthy of respect,worthy of dignity, worthy of support, and worthy of love from our people. Unbalanced ego, envy & jealousy are always lurking around our beautiful intrinsic selves… Trying to corrupt and warp our beauty into grotesqueness… WE DO NOT HAVE TO GIVE IN!
I hope that as I am about to enter this erev rest, that these words will reach all of us to do some introspection… We can’t fight against an oppressor & then oppress our own people at the same time. We have to decide that the parts of us that need improvement, should become a focus in our lives… It may not happen overnight, but intention & acknowledgment is the beginning… If we become better individuals, we will have better communities… Then, and only then will we really be able to actualize more BLACK Liberation… Freeing ourselves, by-proxy the world.
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