I am so frustrated… I am irate. So much is going through my mind, my heart, my soul, my spirit… Am I shocked by the newest public examples of #PoliceTerror? I am not shocked, but of course I am beyond sad and I am vexed to the utmost! Seeing the brutal executions of #AltonSterling & #PhilandoCastille on video… The heartless disposition of these demons in blue as they took the life of these BLACK MEN; their last breaths… How Philando’s girlfriend Diamond (who is a hero by the way)—She had to record the whole scene, by going live on Facebook… Under the threat of that racist cop, while their child watched on; trying to comfort her mother as her daddy died… His blood oozing into the burial grounds of a cars interior.
Watching the life force leave another individual has always been eerie for me, but to watch it done in the spirit of race hatred and State sanctioned violence on BLACK People; it is always beyond devastating. The sad thing is, without video… No one would believe us, because this country does not see BLACK as human. This is why most Amerikkkans, who are white of course, can say such vile things to us when the police kill our people… Our lives mean less to them than a cat or dog; bare facts, truth unhindered.
For BLACK PEOPLE, this is a continued state of terror we live in… We get no days off, no time and a half…We live the realities of Police Brutality in this systematic racist matrix, daily. We often try to push our reality to the back of our minds, but when we get behind the wheel of a vehicle, we know we have a target on our backs.
The moment a cop car is in sight… We start going through the mental&emotional checklist of survival…Well, most of us BLACK Folk anyway… I know there are some out there who swear they are a colorless creature, that gets treated equal; therefore racism doesn’t exist and blah blah blah…Congrats, you are in the 1%! *eye roll* But, If you’re a vehicular police brutality survivor like me, your coping checklist will look something like this:
- Out loud praying… Asking for help/protection
- Taking foot of gas, even though I’m not speeding
- Avoiding eye contact ( they hate that &will get you for this)
- Telling myself to look calm, look relaxed
- Praying louder & louder the closer I get to their flashing lights
- Repeating “please don’t let them get me” over & over way after I have passed them
- Continually checking my mirror to make sure they are not following me
- Breathing again, thanking the CREATOR & Ancestors for the protection
- Proceeding to sing with my music to calm myself down
- Repeating all this again the moment another police car is near me
Do you do any of these things when you see the oinks?
You would never know that all of this is going on inside of me, if just looking at my outward appearance; I have the really calm looking type of PTSD… But inside of me; I’m uber stressed when cops are on the road with me. I do not see them as those here to serve and protect; they are my nightmares with a badge of authority to terrorize. If you really know me, you may notice when I’m triggered, but to most I would seem calm & collected… I manage it very well. I still drive… It is an act of resistance just to drive & not stop moving and living; so I am determined to do so; though I do hate driving now. I am not incapacitated by the trauma of this life, but if you are, it is absolutely understandable & you are not weak; nor should you feel shame…You need room to heal… Healing is an ongoing process for me…I don’t have it all together, I am a work in progression. Having the courage to heal makes you so strong, beloved! We all go through different stages when exposed to trauma… You are still here, that is an act of resistance in itself, and I am proud of you!
I am LIGHT & I keep moving, staying honest with myself, and give myself room to feel everything without shame…This is my personal version of strong BLACK Womanism… Always growing, learning, propelling, giving.
The aforementioned checklist is the changes I go through when the cop is on the side of the road… It’s a lot more complicated, however, when the cop is behind me or trying to ride beside me. My rules of engagement is to try to never let them behind or beside me. Sometimes that is very difficult, like it was for me 3 weeks ago.
3 weeks ago, I had a sheriff where I live, following me all over the place. I got to a very public lot & just sat there in my car… I made sure plenty of people were around, and I thank G-D it was daytime! He sat behind me in that parking lot, without approaching me for 10 minutes…10 loooooong minutes. He and his partner finally gave up, and left me alone. An experience like this makes my blood pressure sky rocket, because this isn’t my first car/cop experience… I’ve unfortunately experienced much worse.
On May 21, 2015. I had a very intense and abusive police brutality situation, as I was driving westward. It was akin to what happened to #SandraBland, except I made it out his police vehicle alive, and didn’t get taken to the police station. I was on my way to Kansas City, Mo & was at the Illinois/Missouri border (Illinois Jurisdiction) when all this occurred.
I figured out, after the fact, that I had been watched/pointed out at an unusually fully staffed rest stop… I did notice they were staring at me, and one guy came outside as I was pulling off… I guess I didn’t realize he was taking my plates & description. The police brutality experience happened 2 minutes after me leaving that rest stop. I think they were trying to track activists coming into Missouri… In fact I know they were! I was so close to St.Louis/Ferguson at this time, and this cops line of questioning let me know exactly why they were pulling me over; though he pretended it was for an air freshener I had hanging on my mirror. He said it was obstructing my view. I was like, ok… And I preceded to take it down. As I reached to take it down, he said: “That isn’t necessary” & then he immediately said: “Get out your car!” Now think about it y’all… If it wasn’t necessary, why am I being pulled over? Why do I know have to get out the car?
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| The warning the cop gave me after my ordeal that he NEVER filed! |
I won’t detail everything that happened to me that 40 minutes I was in that car, after being dragged into it for no reason… Just know, it has greatly affected me. I was roughed up, harassed, threatened… I didn’t know if I was going to make it out alive… I complied at first, but then I fought back… I couldn’t go out not fighting… I thought to myself” If he’s going to kill me, I’m going to be the most smart-aleck, questioning BLACK Woman I can possibly be.” I advise people to stay alive, and go home to their families… but alas, I’m a warrior spirit and I’m proud AF… I don’t like to have my humanity taken from me, and not get the last word on it at the very least. Please, do what you can to stay alive though… Nothing wrong or weak about staying alive… I wasn’t thinking as clear, because of what I was going through. Would I do things differently? Yeah, I’d probably question him from the beginning more, but that would’ve made things worse… I dunno, really who knows? It’s hard to look back and say, because I am embarrassed by what happened to me, which is why I only speak of it in general terms… It makes me feel low, and I don’t like that feeling. I had been brought so low in some of the moments in that car, I had to raise myself back up… He tinkered with the cameras when we first got in the cop car…It was so bad, but I am grateful to be still be here.
Just a few days ago, I had someone who cares enough to look into this horrible situation for me… He has already found out that the cop didn’t even turn in the warning he gave me… Very slick move…To act like I was never in that car. I do have the copy of that warning still, so it can never be denied that he pulled me over that day. His tinkering with the camera was by design… He knew what he was going to do, and he wanted no video evidence. I am blessed to be alive…This is my story, and it is not brand new or rare… It happens to BLACK PEOPLE every single day.
The day after Philando was executed, 5 cops were killed at a protest…The guy they say did it was not a protester, and to be honest, all the details about what happened are sketchy AF. A girl who was there, watching from the hotel started live tweeting what she was seeing. Her testimony is nothing like the cops story & Twitter deleted her entire account before daybreak. Thankfully, somebody screenshot her tweets, so that they couldn’t be erased… Amerikkka has a long history of complicated evil… Look how they killed Dr. King, and then gave him a holiday… SMDH!
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| Picture Courtesy of: @BallerAlert |
This event in Dallas, which seems very calculated ( the FBI/CIA has taken out their own people before, just to control a narrative; just look it up)— is being used to try to smear the movement for BLACK Lives…To try to get attention away from the issue of Police Brutality; shifting the focus from how BLACK People are in danger everyday, because of those who wear blue… These cops don’t serve and protect BLACK People, but harm & terrorize…
I don’t want anyone to have to die… I don’t rejoice in death… Here is the thing: Instead of lecturing BLACK People, the most oppressed people on earth; who suffer astronomical police terror daily: Tell the cops how their violence breeds violence, stop lecturing the oppressed! We live a lament… Those cops kill, rape, brutalize, & falsely apprehend our people every day; we are perpetual tears, we are massive heart congestion. Simply put, cops won’t be targets when they stop unjustly targeting others!
Why do cops not think that their violence will breed violence? Universal law says karma comes to us all... We reap what we sow... No one is exempt. Physics( Newton's Law) states: " For every action there is an equal & opposite reaction"... If there were good cops, they'd force their comrades to do right, by creating environments where they would be afraid to do bad things to people... This never happens, and those who do… Those who try to speak out about the bad they see, they are fired or pushed out. There is an entire system of lawlessness that goes on in Police Departments... The kkk still calls a lot of their shots, because every department is full of their members… In high places, as well as lower ones.
Cops not only kill us, they plant evidence(as we have seen plenty of times), they lie in other ways, they do illegal things at every turn from taking drugs & money at crimes scenes, to using their flashing lights to speed through traffic lights... Their colleagues who say they are “good”… Who say they don't do "bad things”, turn a blind eye to every rotten thing they do... The "code of silence”... Blue Culture.
We've seen them plant stuff on those they kill unjustly, just like they did #VonderittMyers… They hardly ever get charged, very rarely get in any trouble... Cops have the privilege of having the Prez write them laws to protect them, so that can legally terrorize us as we protest & live & attempt to breathe fresh air…They do all sorts of negative things daily, just to make BLACK Folks life so much harder than it already is; uneasy and unpredictable.
Karma comes, and she sings her own song. I don't know what I'm supposed to say to her tune? Haunting and melodious and true…Always true. Bible thumpers, who at the same time like to be non-readers, have been talking so much mess, but they forget what is in the Torah/Bible. The Bible tells you everyone will have their day, reap what they sow… G-D told people to fight for the oppressed, not be silent and inactive…In The New Testament, Yeshua was in the Garden about to be arrested ( a true revolutionary) he told his close followers:
“But now let the one who has a moneybag take it, and likewise a knapsack. And let the one who has no sword sell his cloak and buy one. Luke 22:36
Yeshua said get some coins & a sword! What he was saying in our terms is: Organize and protect yourself cause I’m getting locked up on some foolishness! Like, even I get that, and I am sure I am a heathen in the eye of most Christians and their standards😂… Stop acting brand new & unintelligent! Y’all getting on my nerves.
Anyway, there is a time & place for all things. Our blood is always flowing in the streets, in our cars, in our homes, on playgrounds, in stores, in front of stores… Make-Shift and perpetual execution chambers everywhere, because of the demons in blue. We never get justice, our voices are never taken seriously... It's a shame that the scenario has to exist, but the culprit is white supremacy... White supremacy uses cops to keep BLACK People subjugated... "Bring us to heel", like Hillary Clinton's fascist behind said about our young ones…
So what's the answer? The entire system needs to be dismantled! I dunno if we have what it takes to see that happen in my lifetime… We lack unity & LOVE vibration strong enough to propel us over the top & liberate ourselves as need be. However, I will always work toward BLACK Liberation, and planting seeds in those who will listen/read... I am learning to be strategic, and not build on shaky ground with those who do not operate at the same LOVE frequency as me, but that’s a whole other blog, honey— I digress.
Cops need to be disempowered, but Obama, the current Prez of Amerikkka, has been empowering them by laws; giving them room to be more reckless... Also notice, he's going to Dallas because cops were shot, but he has refused to go to #Ferguson #Madison #Baltimore #CLE or anywhere else the people have rose up to protest police brutality & systematic racism in the last few years... He shows us, our lives don't matter to him over and over and over again... But hey, he works for the system… His job is to
maintain it, not fight for BLACK People… He never said he would fight for us, yet he loves to use his BLACKNESS, our BLACKNESS, as a selling point… Most of our people have bought into this, and are mesmerized by it… He has their allegiance and support no matter if he cares about us, or not… He has swag, after all.… He uses BLACKNESS as a charm over the hearts of BLACK People, a people downcast for so long; we’re often happy for any scrap, and don’t have the capacity to internalize that we CAN demand better and must! Obama’s presidency meant everything to so many… Our people have soul tears drowning our internal system, and finally saw a way to release the rivers through him… To admit he isn’t doing right by us, is especially hard, and many refuse to do so… I get it. But I am unfortunately, fortunately, and humbly woke… We deserve better, my people!
I believe that no president can do right by the people, because the system prevents this… Still, a BLACK man pushing the agenda of white supremacy is the highest treason to my soul… It hurts more than anything. This is why the mindset of dismantling the system is something I won’t back down from… Obama refuses to fight for our lives, or even try, yet many are willing to fight for his… Ain’t that some shit?
So... I cannot sing a dirge for cops... Dallas Police Department have a looooooooooooong history of police brutality. Police are not the “good guys.” Police were started out of slave patrols…There #1 job & main concern to this day, is to come after BLACK PEOPLE... The Black Woman cop who somewhat spoke out against what has been happening to BLACK People being killed by her colleagues, was fired... She went against the code.
See how that works? When you do speak up, they get rid of you. You can no longer be a cop if you do not uphold the code. The code is evil… The code is cruel and calculating… The code is injustice channeled through those who are supposed to protect and serve. Police, at the very least need to be disempowered, dismantled, and something totally different needs to be put in their place… All of their old cases need to be looked into, as they are dismantled, and then they need to be put on trial for war crimes against BLACK People, Brown People, & any other people they have reeked havoc on. Just like after World War 2…Find all the criminals and punish everyone according to what they deserve. This probably would only happen if we totally dismantled the system, and people gave a fuck about BLACK People… Yet and still, I can voice that this is what actually needs to happen from my heart set.
I’d prefer my people to build our communities & protect our own, so that we never have to rely on any government entity for protection or anything else… However, something in place of what is now(police), needs to be put into place; we will always have to deal with any entity put in place, so it needs to be done in a way; that we can feel like our lives are not in danger. We need something that allows the people to be a part of making sure, that a new entity, that actually protects and serves all people; they gotta be thoroughly checked and balanced by the people!
Every community board must have more BLACK, followed by BROWN people on their boards, no matter the location or demographic… This will ensure that racist practices are abolished from every jurisdiction. We need something that gives a new entity tough, mandatory sentences for their infractions… They need to fear breaking the law just like anyone else… IQ requirements need to be raised… No more of this 'not taking people with high IQ' bullshit! Anyone who is part of a new entity that actually protects and serves, must live in the community they serve; that has to be a non-negotiable! We need something that allows the families of those unjustly executed; they need to be paid and able to take their cases to the supreme court if need be! No gag orders… No bullshit! Those payments need to come out of the department pension fund & not the funds of the City… Folks losing money not only have motivation to do right, but to encourage their colleagues to do the same.This is just a few things that would help immensely… Can you think of some more?
No one is even willing to do the least of these things… And let’s not blame a GOP congress all the damn time…There are ways around everything; namely presidential executive orders. We get no protection from the racist police, but then again, this system is racist AF… Yet, my people are always trying to rise! We’re going to be first one day… One day we’re gonna win! So, no… I will never be for police, because they are a death squad... Historically and to this day. So yes, fuck the police, fuck systematic racism, fuck environmental racism, fuck congress, fuck politickans… Until my people can be free like everybody else…Fuck it all!
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